"We are blah" stage ...........

Wow I can't believe it's been almost 2 years since I last wrote on my blog! Time flies when you're having fun they say...

Over the past 3 years almost of marriage we have lived in Ohio, Illinois  and now we have settled in Michigan. Out of the 3 places we lived in, Michigan is not the best place, but feels most like home to us. We had a lot of fun in Illinois living near Chicago with all the festivals and museums and shopping to do, but to raise a family we are happy in Michigan.

Anyone who has been married any amount of time can understand that you go through different periods in your marriage. I feel as if we are in our "we are blah" period, and it sucks!!! Like on a Friday night we used to go to dinner and go to the movies or shopping and just have a good time together! Now........ we are lucky if we have regular clothes on (meaning no PJ's) past 6pm and are up past 10pm .... WHAT HAPPENED TO US???

Does every relationship go through this??? Or are we the only ones???? My husband suggested we take dance classes ... and I would love to take a painting class ... butttttt then comes friday.... anddddd the couch it is !!!!

So my question to you all is how long were you in the "we are blah" stage for? And how did you get out of it? Did you have to make plans and stick to them? Or did you just wake up one day and be interesting again??? HELP US :P .... 

Wow it's been over 8 months now.....

Wow it's been over 8 months since Tom  got here! Somedays it feels like he just got here and other days it feels like he's been here my whole life!!!

We are now used to  each others ways and little quirks, but the first few months were quite hard for us actually as I have lived in this house for 4 years and I used to things my way. Now I have to accommodate another person into my home and turn it into our home!! I did redo our extra bedroom and make it toms office so he spends a lot of him time in there with him studying he does and stuff. It's nice for him to have his own space and a place to get away do what he wants, as our home is only about 840 square feet big.

Our life is about to change in a huge way though as Tom is getting a job outside of Toledo where we live... This is going to be a huge change for me because I'm very close to my family and have only lived away from them for about a year one time in my life!

But on a bright note we got a letter from immigration stating we submit enough proof of our relationship and there field office is extremely backed up e don't have to do our couples interview (unless notified in the next 6 of a change). I'm was too happy when we got that letter because that interview was very intimidating to me, I don't like to take test or do job interviews for some reasons they make me sooooooo nervous!

When I think about having to pack up all our stuff and move it make e excited to be able to get rid of some of this junk we have! We don't have much stuff/junk but enough that I would be able to sell and start over at a new place. This kind of makes me happy because I'm a "get rid of" kind of person hehe...

Our goal is to move away for year or so and then to come back to Toledo for a while! I don't see the point in both of us having to be away from our parents! I feel the same way about India too though, because if we lived in India I don't see the point in living far away from Toms parents either. Wy should we both have to be away from our parents?

I just pray that everything works out according to Gods plan!!!!!

“no matter what I do, no matter what I say, I am bankrupt without your love!”

Learning how to word things

Hmmm this is something that Tom and I both have to work on! We both need to learn not to get upset with each other when we need to speak to each other and learn to make the words come out right. I have a hard time sometimes when Tom tells me something and I totally take it a different way than he met it to be.

He said to me the other day that he was going to Arkansas and I took it like he was telling me he was going and that was that! That crushed me, I want to be part of decisions he makes not told he’s going to do something, but he was actually telling me he wanted to go and he wanted to talk about what dates he could do. I took it one way and he thought he was saying it one way and it ended in both of us being upset with each other. If he would have come to me and said something like “Hey babe I really miss my sister and would like to go see her before I start working, what do you think?” I would not have had such a problem with it but he made me feel like I’m not included in this. On the flip side if I would of not gotten so upset in the beginning maybe he could of reworded what he said to me and we would have been fine.

I never would want my husband to not go see his family, I would like to be invited to go with him that’s all, but in the end I would never keep him from his family. Likewise he would never keep me from my family either, I wouldn’t want him to tell me I can’t go home and see my family if we move away.

There is a big difference in being single and being married! When you are single you come and go as you please, you don’t have to consult anyone on the decisions you make, you just decide and do what you want. When you are married you have to consider the other person, because after all when you say your vows to each other you say 2 become 1. You are not the only person who your decisions affect anymore; you have your other half to think about also. 

When one of my friends calls me and asked me if Tom and I would like to hang out with them, or go bowling or whatever I always say to them “let me ask Tom and I will get back to you”. Now because my friends understand that my husband and I are “one” they say things to me like “hey go talk to Tom and see if you guys want to go out to dinner with us tomorrow”. My friends and family understand that Tom and I are a package deal, where he goes I go and where I go he goes.

We have now been married and together for over 4 months and we are starting to really learn each other’s way and actions that we were not able to see when we were apart. Tom can just look at me and tell I’m in a bad mood, I have something to tell him, I had a great day or just about anything. I can tell you if he had a good day as soon as I walk in the house and say Hi to him. If I get hi babe and not HI BABY I MISSED YOU, I know he had a bad or sad day.  When we were apart he was very good at keeping his moods from me, but eventually I learned what to listen for to see if he was in a good or bad mood. Me on the other hand I can’t keep it inside, I can’t even get Hi out without tiers flowing down my face if I’m upset.

Memorial Day weekend was this past weekend and we had such a great weekend together! I have to say this was the best weekend so far we have had together after getting married. We had enough alone time that it was great, but we also had some time with our friends and family too. I love this man so much I can’t imagine life without him, he is my heart and soul, he is my ying to my yang. 

I will leave you with the quote Tom said to me last night “no matter what I do, no matter what I say, I am bankrupt without your love!”

we have a “list” at our house ...

It’s amazing how much stuff we have done together in such a little time! We went on vacation to Arkansas, had a wedding, we went on 2 honeymoons and celebrated my birthday…. Wow to me it feels like we have only been together in person for a few weeks or so, but it has been over 3 months since he go here!!!! 

For us living together is so different than Skyping or talking on the phone together. Don’t get me wrong we have our good and bad days just like anyone else, but it’s so nice knowing he will be home when I get home from work. I think the thing for me that puts a smile on my face is when I leave for work in the morning and we cooked late at night the night before and just left the kitchen a mess, and when I get home the whole kitchen is cleaned up! To him that is not a big thing, but to me it is a big thing, because he doesn’t realize that after I work all day I don’t want to clean the kitchen up before I have to make dinner.

I have read so many things that say if you can get through the 1^st year of marriage you can get through anything together and I believe this is true in so many ways. When you get married you are merging 2 lives into 1 life, and you have to constantly remind yourself that you are not the only person in this relationship! There is a whole other person you have to consider, and that hit me hard! I lived the past 5 years in our house alone for the most part and I have things the way I like them, then all of the sudden Tom moves in and things are not exactly how I wanted them! To tell you the truth I think my way is the best way, it was just how I did things, how I organized things and how I like things, but now that I’m married I have to consider my husband.

The best advice I can give to newly married couples is to move! Move into a new house with a fresh start, because I know if I moved into Toms house I would never 100% feel like it was our house, it would always be his house I’m living in. So I can see how Tom doesn’t feel like our house is totally his, because I have lived there for 4 years and things are how I like it. If we moved into a new house it would be more like our house than my house, even if Tom had nothing to do with the paint or anything it would still be our house.

So we have a “list” at our house and on this list we put everything we want to do in the future. The list ranges from ‘going out to dinner and not looking at the prices on the menu’ to ‘a huge European vacation’, with a variety of things between those two things. Other things on our list are like a new washing machine, fix the garage and buy a camper trailer for example. It seems like every day our “list” gets bigger and it’s now a running joke at our house to say ‘oh just add it to the list’.  

But really I’m just so happy Tom is here with me that I don’t care if we never get anything on our list done, I’m just happy that finally he’s here with me and we are together!

 

Soon I’m going to be Tom’s wife

Our long distance journey is finally going to come to an end on January 31^st at 11:40am in Detroit Michigan! I’m so excited to finally be with him in the same time zone I can’t even sleep at night now.

When I look back at the past 2 in a half years I just think what an awesome plan God had for us because we have been through so much. We have laughed, cried, been happy, been sad, fell in love, had misunderstandings but through it all we stuck by each other’s side.

Soon I’m going to be Tom’s wife; I can’t even believe this time has come! I never thought it would come to this actually; it was so hard for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel some days. Now looking back I can say that all the time and waiting was totally worth it and I wouldn’t do anything different because every mistake we made with immigration taught us a lesson.

My goal is to be able to help other people through this process in any way that Tom and I can. Some people are not as fortune as we are in being able to hire a lawyer plus pay all the fees that Immigration wants. If him and I could alleviate some of those fees by someone not having to hire a lawyer than I would know that this process and time it took would be all worth it.

We started our process in the middle of 2011 as we gathered all of our paperwork needed to submit to the USCIS. Then on January 20^th I took everything into our lawyers office, they looked over it, then needed some other things and finally sent everything out in early February. The USCIS accepted our paperwork on Feb 7^th 2012 and our journey began.  This is not the end of our journey at all, but this has definitely put a big dent in our process and I am happy so far.

We are planning on being married on paper on Feb 2^nd by our pastor at our church, but before we get married Tom wants to take me out on a proper date to the movies, out to eat and bowling or something. This is how I know this man loves me because the little things like this are important to him. I never even thought that we have actually never been on a “date” together just him and I before. We have Skyped before and ate at the same time but never in a restaurant just him and me talking alone!

We met in India in person for the first time on March 16^th 2011 and now on March 16^th 2013 we will have our wedding day in front of friends and family. Even though we will be married actually on February 2^nd I want our wedding date to be March 16^th because we are just getting married beforehand so we can get this process started a bit earlier.

I really want to thank all of our friends and family who have helped us get through this, there was many nights of crying with my friends and not understanding why this is taking so long. Now looking back it does seem like a distant memory and I think why was I crying? Why was I so upset? And Tom would say to me “why are you crying? This is nothing to cry about you big baby” (hehe)  Now I see what he was talking about because God bought us through this with flying colors and now soon we will be together…

Approved!!!!!!!!!!!!

Approved!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The USCIS approved my application for Tom to come here… This is one of the best days of our life; we now know soon we will be together!

The waiting game just about killed us some days but we stayed strong and always remember that we were in this together and that we have God on our side. Now starts our 2^nd stage in this process and from what I am told it goes somewhat quickly in this stage. I am hoping that he is here by Christmas time that would be the best Christmas gift ever and I would only need him as a gift on Christmas morning.

It’s really funny how things happen because just on Sunday both of us were having a really bad day, we miss each other something terrible and we both long for the day when we can finally watch a movie together or go out to dinner. I think the best part of him and I being together is going to be he nights when it’s snowing outside and we are sitting on the couch watching a movie together. That’s something we have never had before, just us alone, that’s something a lot of people take for granted but all we have is the phone and the internet.

I can finally start to plan our wedding the right way! I can actually finally picture us getting married in the near future, I can’t hardly believe it right now I feel like I am in shock. I feel like I have so much to do, and he has so much to do too. He has to get all these papers in, get police reports, and passport pictures taken… Oh my gosh this is going to be a busy next few months, but that’s okay it will be a good few months too…

I can’t even type right now I’m so excited………….

I was able to speak to his mom

Step 1 with Immigration……..

Initial Review:

During this step, USCIS initiates the background checks of the applicant/petitioner and identifies issues that may need to be addressed either during an interview or by asking the applicant/petitioner to submit additional information or documentation. USCIS reviews the applicant's/petitioner's criminal history, determines if there are national security concerns that need to be addressed, and reviews the application/petition for fraud indicators.

At this step we had to submit phone records, skype records, letters between us, pictures of us when we met in India, emails sent back and forth, g-talk conversations we had. Basically I submitted everything I could to “prove” we are a couple and that we are not scamming the system. In fact I don’t know really why I started writing this blog but I did and I even submitted this to the USCIS too.

I was told that this is the longest step of our process, and after this step it should go somewhat quickly, well as quickly as it can go. I suppose to us however long it takes, it takes really, what can we do about the time? Nothing!!!!!!

Tom gave me the best compliment today; he said I was the best fiancé ever!!! That makes me grin from ear to ear when he says things like that to me… annnndddddddd I was able to speak to his mom this past weekend, I was sooo excited that I didn’t even sleep at all on Friday night after I spoke to her! Her voice was so sweet and kind, and I can’t believe that she’s going to be my mother-in-law. I always prayed to God that I would get a nice mother-in-law and not a witch for an in-law, and my prayers were answered. It’s amazing to me how awesome God is, he knows just want we need at jus the right time in our life.

You know its so funny how Tom has told me through out our whole relationship just to wait and be patient and in time everything I want I will get. I don’t mean like getting a Mercedes Benz or a million dollars, I mean things like being accepted into his family and by his friends and stuff. Slowly but surely everything I have dreamed of is coming true…

 

I had a dream last night, and it was a scary...

I have never been more confident in “US” than now! Not that before I was not confident, I am just more confident now! Once we sent our paperwork into immigration I felt like our lives were actually going to start this year.

When I read about other people’s journeys with immigration it gives me hope, and understanding that everything is going to be all right with us. Actually I don’t much think about the process anymore like I used to, I found “thinking” about it made the days go by slower and slower. I am 100% confident in our relationship, I know we are going to make it, so why fret and think about it all the time when there is nothing I can do about the waiting list we are on.

Just yesterday Tom called and we chatted for about 15 minutes or so and he asked me who do I love him so much? Why do I stay with him through everything we have been through? I told him I couldn’t answer that question with words! There are no words to describe how much I love him; I just love him, end of the store. Its like trying to tell a blind person what the color blue looks like, you cant tell them what it looks like, because they are blind! My love for Tom is the same way, I can’t tell him how much I love him because words are not enough to express my love for him. 

I had a dream last night, and it was a scary dream too me. My dream took place in like WW2 time and some people and I were on a mountaintop and we had to jump down the mountain with a rope. When the rope got to a certain point the people at the top let the rope go and you died. I was allowed to call Tom and our children before I had to jump, and I remember what I said to our children on the phone, I said: don’t worry guys mommy loves you, and your daddy is going to take great care of you! I told Tom I loved him and I would see him in heaven soon!

Then I woke up and I was crying and I just had to call Tom and hear his voice right then and there… I didn’t tell him about my dream because he was headed to the bus station, but he said to me “are you okay babe” and I told him I was fine and then we said good-bye. The sound of his voice made me feel safe again and I was able to fall back asleep for a while, as it was something like 5am and I had to wake up for work at 6:30am.

Its little things like that, that make me know we are made for each other, the simple sound of Toms voice soothed me so much and made me feel safe when I was so upset.  He is the first person I want to run to when I am upset because he makes me feel safe, even if he cant hug me or hold me right then he can still make me feel safe. There was not a time when we were together in India when I didn’t feel like he would protect me; he never left my side even for a minute.

India could have been a very overwhelming time for me, but Tom made it feel like a piece of cake, even when I was not with him, he still made me feel secure. He reminded me that God would protect me, and keep me safe in his arms. I love him so much and I cant wait for the time when we are together forever….

He is a man of his word...

Nothing is easy in this immigration process, but I am sure by the time we get done with this I could help anyone with this process. I have to say I do amaze myself some days with how much I have learned about the Internet in the past year in a half, and Tom is very good at explaining things to me too, that helps as well.

So I am told that the step we are in right now is the longest step of this process, we are in the “initial step”, but getting all the paperwork together for this step was a bit overwhelming in the beginning. Once everything got submitted in I felt relieved that this step was over, but right behind that step comes the next step. We are now getting together police reports from everywhere Tom has lived since he was 16, but lucky for us he just has to get 1 for the UK and not 1 for every different apartment/city he has lived in or anything like that. Then we have to get a few police reports from India, but that will not be a big deal I don’t think, not as big of a deal as the UK.

I find myself being a bit more calm these past few months than I have ever been before really, and its a lot because of Tom. He makes me feel like everything is going to be fine, God is on our side, and soon we will be together. There are some days when I feel like he is already here and Im just at home waiting for him to get home from work. I know that sounds silly, but he is such a huge part of everything I do that sometimes it feels like he has been here all along.

The other day I was at home and I was having such a horrible day that all I could do was put my back up against my kitchen wall, slide down the wall to the floor, and cry. I can say I haven’t cried like that in a very long time and all I wanted to do was speak to Tom and have him hold me in his arms and tell me everything was going to be fine babe… So I sent him a text and instantly I felt better and as soon as he woke up he called me and then I was fine. I just needed to hear his voice to make me feel better! 

There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about him, or about India, and how much fun we had there. Those are the things that keep me going everyday, the memories of us together in India. He said the other day to me even if we don’t speak everyday or every week or whatever my love for you will never change!! I truly with all my hear believe that because he is a man of his word, and I know he truly loves me…

I try to keep doing things at our house to make the time go by faster and to not think about the process as much. I am getting a new laundry room floor put in before he gets here, painting the front porch, planting grass seed, and just general cleaning up of the house before he gets here. I want him to feel like it’s his house as much as its my house, after all in my eyes it is his house too.  

He is 99% cheekiness for sure...

@ 4:37pm my time and 3:07am Toms time he called me today…. I love it when he calls me randomly during my day after we have said good night already!!!! Those are the little things that make me happy, and make me fall more and more in love with him every day!

I can’t wait to get married, this is going to be one of the best days of my life, the day I become Tom’s wife. My mom and I were talking about the wedding yesterday and she said when we know what day he is coming we can plan to get married the following weekend. We are hoping that Tom will be able to come in like August so that we can get married in my moms back yard, or if its raining we can get married at our church also, either way I don’t care.

Our colors for the wedding are Red and Black, and I have tried to get things in my home that are Red and Black so we can recycle our wedding things all over our home. Im a recycler, if it can be reused then lets reuse it for sure, or give it to someone who can use it, don’t just throw it away. So I have bought vases for the red and black feathers to go in, and I have bought candles, which will be used that day, and I have gotten some candleholders also and we will be able to use them for candles or ashtrays at the house.

Im just so very excited to have Tom here, I feel like our life is starting now, I just feel totally differently about us the past few weeks in a good way. I feel as is I am calmer now than I have ever been, and don’t get me wrong I have bad days just like anyone but I feel calmer now. I do try to modify into our relationship as so does he too; we both are doing things to make us better. I believe when you are in a relationship you need to work together to make “us” better, better as couple and better as a team together.

I never thought in a millions years God would send me someone like Tom; he really keeps me on my toes for sure. He is one of the Cheekiest people I know, I mean he is 99% cheekiness for sure!!!!!  He always messes with me and says that there is no other girl in the world who would put up with him like I do, they would of dumped him a long time ago, or at least smacked him then left him hehe…. Not me, Im so used to it now, that there are some days I try to mess with him, but he always messes with me back, and then it always ends in his favor. ALWAYS!!!!!!! Grrrrrr ;)

Im just blessed that next Christmas I will be spending it with him Im sure of it, and we will have our little Christmas tree in our little house. I can’t wait to start traditions of our own for us and eventually our kids, I just sit back and wonder what we will do! Whatever it is it will be “our” traditions, and that just makes me smile just thinking about it =) …

Merry Christmas everyone…

We will be in it together ...

Jacob and Rachel- Old Testament Love Story

After Jacob ran away from his brother Esau, he went to live with his mother’s family in Haran. While looking for his uncle Laban, Jacob met Rachel, Laban’s daughter. She was caring for her father’s sheep. Rachel took Jacob to Laban who gave Jacob a job and a place to stay.

Jacob negotiated with Laban to work for him for seven years. In return Laban would give his daughter Rachel to Jacob as his wife. The Bible says in Genesis 29:20, “And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her.”

At the end of the seven years Laban offered his daughter’s hand in marriage. However, at the wedding Laban tricked Jacob into marrying Leah, the older sister. Because, he said, it was not right for the younger daughter to marry first. The Bible says that Jacob continued to work for Laban another seven years to be able to have Rachel as his wife.

Jacob originally consented to a seven-year contract to wed the girl he loved. Even after the deception, he continued to work another seven years for the hand of Rachel.

Wow…. Jacob worked for 14 years for Rachel, and I think waiting 1 year for Tom is a long time, but what really is a year? It’s a whole year to get to know him better! I do have to say I we know each other pretty well; he knows how my day is just by how I say “Hello”. When he asked me what’s wrong I never think he is saying that out of habit or because he has too, I truly know its because he really wants to know what wrong with me.

When we were in Agra we went to this little white temple looking building, a very pretty building, but Im not sure if it would be considered a temple or not. Anyways there were only a few people in the whole place and Tom took this picture of me leaning against the wall next to this really pretty picture of some flowers. Its probably one of my favorite pictures of me that was taken the whole time we were in India. I feel like I was genuinely looking at Tom, my smile was real not for show, and I was just so happy right then and there. I can even remember walking into the building and just looking at everything, with amazement in my eyes, thinking how beautiful this building was.

Tom loves to take picture as much as I do, and so in this building he was the main person taking picture pretty much. He took pictures of 2 burial sites of 2 people inside the building, the walls, the pretty ceiling, and pictures of me of course ;) … He captivates me with how kind he is, and how loving he is with me, how when he would take a picture it had to be right on, and always looked great…

Tom never makes me feel like Im not good enough for him, or Im not pretty enough for him, or smart enough for him, he loves me for me. He never took a picture of me and said it was not a good picture, no matter now much I didn’t like that specific picture, he always says positive things to me. The other day he told me I am good exactly how I am, he loves me for who I am not who anyone wants me to be.

I was in my car the other day driving on the express-way and I was think how much I love Tom, how much he means to me, and how grateful I am to have such a wonderful man in my life. I speak with him everyday, from the time I wake up till the time I go to bed he is on my mind. There are no decisions I make that I don’t first think how this will affect him or us, because he is my life, and its important that he is part of my daily life as much as Im part of his daily life.

I often feel as if God put Tom and I on this earth to do something more than just get up and go to work everyday, come home eat dinner, and go to bed. I can’t even imagine the great things Tom and I could do in The US, In India, In Malaysia, In China wherever we choose to go our options are endless. No matter what happens in Our lives we will be in it together and that’s the best feeling in the world!!!

We are communicating with each other now...

Its hard for me to sleep right now, I am up for most of the night just laying in my bed looking at the ceiling. I told tom last night that even though it was hot when we were in India and that made it hard to sleep some nights, I still slept the best because I felt safe with him. I felt like he would do everything in his power to protect me if anything happened.  I have to say that was probably the last time I can remember totally sleeping well and not being up all night.

I can’t wait for the time in my life when we are together every night, and I can have that feeling again of security and the comfort knowing he will protect me. For the most part I don’t really care where we live at, that’s not my concern right now, it’s just being together that I am looking forward too.

Now this is our 2^nd Christmas together, and I pray to God that our 3^rd Christmas can really be spent together. Every time I go into a Christmas store I buy a new ornament for our tree, I love Christmas ornaments so much. This past year I have bought a few for our tree, I am hoping we will have a place of our own by next year somewhere. I figure even if we are living somewhere besides the US we can still have Christmas decorations up, it might not be as popular wherever we move to have Christmas things up, but that’s okay I don’t care about that.

When I think about Christmas in a place like India, I just think “but there’s no snow??” And it might be “winter” time in India right now, but it’s certainly not cold in India right now! Ehhh what’s snow anyways? Just something you have to scrape off your car, wear boots in, and freeze in all winter… I guess it’s kind of over rated this whole snow thing anyways…  Who needs snow at Christmas time? We can make snowflakes wherever we live and put them in the windows =) …

My mom has been so cute this year about Christmas presents. She said to me a few weeks ago “What does my future son want for Christmas this year?” that made my day, I couldn’t stop smiling all day long. My parents are very accepting of the choices I make in my life, don’t get me wrong they will be sad when we move away, but they also want there daughter to be happy.

In some aspects last Christmas was harder for me than this Christmas, I feel like I am more secure with us now than I was last year. Take today for example, he has been waiting for a phone call tonight and he told me he would call me back when he could. No problem, because he explained to me what was going, instead of just not answering the phone. I am extremely happy with how we have grown, because we are communicating with each other now.

The “old” Rachel would be asking all of the where, what, why, who questions that I would of asked before. Not now, I was fine with this, and I was fine with it because he now does his part too. His part is simply picking up the phone and saying that he is busy or he is waiting on a call and he will call me back, and he actually calls me back then. So with him working harder for us and me working harder for us, we are good now.

Don’t pass your lesson up because you are thinking the wrong way...

WOW I can’t believe we have been together for over a year now!!!! When I think about when we first met till now I cant believe how much we have grown as a couple and how much I feel totally secure with Us in general.

I know everyone has good days, bad days, and just okay days in general but I have to say my days are much better because of Tom. When I am having a bad day he is the one person who makes me smile, and that I know he will be there for me. He said the other day that I am the one he is going to marry, and every time he says those things to me it gives me butterflies in my tummy. As a girl it's nice to be reassured of things sometimes, not that he has to tell me those things everyday, but its nice for us to just talk about our wedding sometimes.

I truly try to tell him that I love him at the end of every phone call, and I love it when he says I love you too, that’s  just one of my “things” I guess. I think its because we don’t see each other that often, so for me a “I love you too” just makes the space between us that much closer.

I can tell you that over the past few months our relationship has gotten better, I think a lot better because I feel like I understand Tom more now than I did before. Before when I would call him if he didn’t answer I would get irritated with him and call and call and call him till he would be irritated with me and then it would end in an argument or us just not speaking. I said to myself one day:

“Really Rach what’s your problem? You were not raised like this!!! Come on lady….”

From that day forth I just had to start thinking differently, I had to think about him more. As much as I always thought I was thinking about him, in all reality I was not thinking about him, I was thinking “about him” but not in the way I should have been thinking, does that make sense? 

If you are a girl, I guarantee you over think things, I know I sure over think just about everything, from the way Tom says Hello, to the way he say Good night, and everything in between. He will say “Don’t rack your brain all night, I didn’t mean anything by that!” it doest matter if he says that I will still over think whatever he said. I think its just a girl thing really, my friend Helen said to me the other day that she over thinks things too no matter what it is, so yes its just a girl thing.

Being with Tom I have had to learn to pick what I “over think” about, he loves to mess with my head and make me go crazy. He is in fact so good at messing with me that some times I have no idea if he is messing with me or if he is not messing with me till he says he's not messing with me. So no wonder I over think things, now that I think about it… hehe…

You wouldn’t believe what goes through a girl’s head though; a million things are going through it all day long. Things from why didn’t he answer the phone?  Who is he with? Where is he at? What is he doing?  Now how is thinking this way helping a relationship? Its not, it’s not helping at all, in fact it’s making you and your guy go crazy!!!

Like I said before I had to start thinking differently, and once I did that, I wasn’t concerned about Why?  Who? Where? What?  I am more concerned now with his feelings and less concerned about the dumb stuff that I worried about before. In turn this has made me calmer and has made him more prone to answering my phone call when I call. Now he knows Im not going to be upset with him because he didn’t answer the phone when I called, he knows that I understand that sometimes he just cant answer the phone, not because Im not important but because whatever he is doing is important too.

Everyday is another day to learn a lesson, don’t pass your lesson up because you are thinking the wrong way.

I was talking to my friend Jo the other day

I was talking to my friend Jo the other day and I said to her that I just don’t understand why Tom does not tell me when he is upset. I tell him every detail of my life, from the time I wake up till the time I go to bed, and when Im upset he hears all about it. I just don’t understand why he doesn’t tell me when he's upset? Jo said to me that just recently she has come to understand why most guys are like this. Her mom said that she always tells her dad everything, and one day she said why don’t you tell me when your upset? He simply said its okay for me to carry your worry, but you don’t need to carry mine also. I almost think that ever since then I have thought of our relationship differently, not that I don’t want to know when he is upset but I understand that he will tell me when he wants me to know, Im not going to drive myself crazy if he doesn’t want to tell me right now.

I used to get upset if Tom didn’t call me before he went to bed, or if he didn’t call me back when I called him. Now I think I am so confident in our relationship that stuff like that does not bother me. Before I would call him 15 times in a row if he didn’t answer and that would make me so angry that he didn’t answer. Now I will call him 1 or 2 times in the morning when I wake up, maybe send him a text, and then wait for him to call me if he doesn’t answer the phone.  I can say that he also has gotten better about answering the phone when I call too. I also know now that just about the time I wake up is the time his friends are all getting home from work and sometimes he is busy.

I have to say though for our relationship being how it is, we are really good together, from the little things we deal with on a daily bases to the big things we have to deal with. Between him and I we deal very well with each other I think, he is a cheeky Indian on some days, and I am big old crybaby on other days.

I know that if I want anything done I have to ask in advance, but he will do it. It might not get done when I want it done, but it will get done eventually. He knows that if he asked me to do something it will get done too, but it will probably get done way faster than he wanted it done, that’s just how I am.

We figure when we get married he is going to be the one that slows me down and makes me think about today a little bit, and I will be the one who makes him think about tomorrow a bit more. We are perfect for each other when you think about it.

You know I was thinking the other day, when we were on vacation in India I had no idea where we were staying, I didn’t know the name of the hotel, what street it was on, nothing. If Tom and I would have been separated I wouldn’t of known what to do really, I didn’t even have a phone with me once I was with him. That’s how comfortable I am with him, he just takes care of me and makes me feel safe. I know he will always take care of, that’s why Im also not worried about living in India one day, because I know he will help me till I am conferrable with our surroundings.

I guess I don’t realize how much I truly depend on him till I sit back and really think about it. Besides God, Tom is my life, don’t get me wrong I love my family, but my mom always taught me that when I get married I leave them and go with my husband. They are still in our life of course, but now I have to make decisions with my husband and make sure he is okay with what we decide. I cant wait to be married, this is what I have been put on this earth for, to be a wife and mom, I just cant wait for the day I say I do to the man I love with all my heart.

The better half....

Tom messes with my head so bad, and he thinks its funny, but let me tell you in the beginning I didn’t think it was so funny. Now I have his game down, and I mess right back with him, he even said to me today he needs to find new ways of “messing” with me because Im catching on now.

Ill give you an example of what he does to me…

Me: hi can I speak with Tom please

Toms Friend: Ummmm ohhh (tom in the back ground saying tell her tell her) he's out with his girlfriend right now.

Me: Oh okay, that’s great just tell him to call his other girlfriend when he gets home.

Toms Friend: Ummm ooookay Ummm hold on

Tom: ahahahahahaha Hi baby I just got in from my date with my “other”.

Me: Oh that’s just great baby did you have fun?

Tom: oh yes loads of fun….

You see now its funny to me but 4 months ago it ticked me off so bad when he did that. Plus now he has a friend named Ganesh, and Ganesh is probably the only one of his friends who sticks up for me. So he really doesn’t mess with me much anymore, except when he is in a real cheeky mood.

I was looking on the Internet today and I came across something kind of interesting. It was the vows that are said in an Indian Hindu Wedding Ceremony, or actually a South Asian wedding I think it was to be exact. They were stated as followed:

1. I will consider my wife to be The better half. I will look after her just as I look after myself.

2. Accepting her as in-charge of my home, I shall plan things in consultation with her.

3. I will never express dissatisfaction about any shortcomings in my wife. If there are any, I will explain them to her lovingly. I will support her in overcoming them.

4. I will always have faith in my wife. I will never look at another woman with wrong intent, nor have an illicit relationship.

5. I will be affectionate and treat my wife like a friend.

6. I will bring home all my income to my wife. The household expenses will be incurred with her consent. I will always make an effort to ensure her comfort and happiness.

7. I will not find fault or criticize my wife before others. We will sort out our differences and mistakes in privacy by ourselves.

8. I will have a courteous and tolerant attitude towards my wife. I will always follow a compromising policy.

9. If my wife is unwell, or is unable to fulfill some of the responsibilities or through some misunderstanding behaves wrongly, I will not withdraw support or refuse to fulfill my responsibilities towards her.

Now lets break these vows down

#1: I shall be considered The Better Half! Super like, hehe, but I think of us more as equal. We are partners in this game of life, and I can’t play without him and he can’t play without me.

#2: This for sure is right! I am going to be in charge of the home, I will make sure the laundry is done, the dishes are washed, the home is clean and neat. That’s how I was raised  my mom was a stay at home housewife and that’s how she taught me to be. So #2 is great for us.

#3: Hmmm… I wouldn’t call them my “shortcomings” because that sounds kind of degrading towards me I think. I would say that when I do something that Toms does not like he will tell me, and I will tell him when he does something I don’t like. Then we work together to make a better “US”.

#4: Tom has so much faith in me, he knows I would never cheat on him or leave him, and I have to say the same for him I have so much faith in him too. Because our relationship is based on God.

#5: I don’t want to be treated like a friend, I want to be treated better than a friend! But this is not a problem for us he treats me just awesome, and I treat him the same way. He is much more than a friend to me, he is my best friend, my husband, the love of my life.

#6:  SUPER LIKE!!!! Ahaha… The one thing Tom and I spoke about in the beginning is finances. Im a saver and he's a spender! So we really go good together we think, because I will get him to save when we are married and he will get me to loosen up and spend a little bit. He said one day that I will be in charge of finances because women are naturally better at them then men are. Growing up how I did I have to agree with him on that one. Don’t get me wrong he will have plenty of money to spend, and we will talk over all of our big decisions in life, but when it comes to paying the water bill I will do that.

#7: Tom is super great at this, when we fight it is between him and I in his eyes. Me on the other hand I usually tell one person, but not always, I like to work it out between him and me too. My mom said to me one day, she will always take my husbands side, because I will always come back to her, but he is could leave and not come back one day and she would never want him to leave and not come back.

#8: We compromise well I think, well I think we do, but I seem to get my way a lot so I don’t know, maybe we (I) will need to work on this one… hehe

#9: Hmmmm….. I have to think about this one…. (wink wink)

I looked for vows from a wife to a husband and I couldn’t find them, so Im thinking originally it was a one-way street that Tom and I have made into a 2-lane highway. I don’t need any vows to tell me that my fiancé will be there for me and or that I will be there for him. As long as we have God as the center of our relationship we will be fine! I can tell you this that I love that man with all my heart and soul and I cant wait till we can take our 2 lives and become 1……

hands.....

“When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then is subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should never part. Because this is what love is. Love is no breathlessness, it is not excitement, and it is not the desire to make every second of the day. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away.”

When we were in the last hotel in Agra one night we wanted to go down to the hotel restaurant and eat something. That was the first time that we held hands, not the first time since we had been together but the first time as a couple we just grabbed hands and held them.

When I first saw him in Chandigarh I held his hand, that’s what he told me, but I don’t even remember holding his hand because I was so overwhelmed by him at that point. He had a green shirt on and jeans and was looking so handsome. That’s all I remember about him right at that point because I just wanted to stay right then and there forever, just him and I walking down the walkway in the airport. Then when we were in Amritsar I held his hand but that was because I was overwhelmed by the amount of people we were with and I didn’t want to get lost. Not that he would ever loose me I just wanted to be right next to him, because he is my comfort zone.

But when we were in the hotel, walking down the to the stairs we held hands…. (Pause and sigh just thinking about it) We held them for the first time, the first time that we didn’t have to, or that I wasn’t overwhelmed, or that I can remember.

Thinking back you know me and him have never been on a date, we have never been out to eat, or to the movies, or shopping alone, or anything. I often wonder what our “first” date will feel like. The first time we are totally alone, 100% on our own and WE are not with anyone else, we can go anywhere we want to go and do anything we want to do.

Will we be in India or in the US or somewhere else? Where will we eat at? Or what movie will we see? Will we even see a movie? What does it feel like to be sitting across from him in a restaurant and to have all of his attention, 100% of it? Not that I don’t have his attention now or he does not have mine, there is just always someone around each of us when we are talking or skyping, that it never feels like we are never totally alone. That is on both of our parts too, either Im at work or he's at his flat with people, or Im with my mom, or he's at the Internet Cafe. I just want to know what its like to have him sitting in front of me and to have all of his attention. Not have to worry if we are talking to loud or if he can really hear what I just said or if I can hear what he just said. Im talking about just Him and I alone on a date….!!!!

I cant even finish this right now…. 

The first thing I see is this Indian man with his Chinese girlfriend holding hands.

            I still will never forget when I first landed in India at the Delhi airport, I walked through these 2 glass doors and was instantly hit with a huge group of people holding signs and shouting at people. At that point I had been up for something like 30 strait hours, I was exhausted and hungry, and on top of everything the bus line I was told to take to the orphanage no one had ever heard of. I was in tiers with Tom on the phone and he was telling me to calm down everything is going to be okay, I will be fine, its just India no one is going to hurt me I just have to try to find someone to speak with and help me. Finally I find someone to speak with and I was able to get a ticket for the right bus and I felt a lot better already. When I get on the bus and the first thing I see is this Indian man with his Chinese girlfriend holding hands, I remember looking at them and wishing Tom was with me, and how safe I would feel if he was here with me.

This was my first time in India, and it was my first time outside of the US except to take car trips to Canada, and that does not feel like I was even out of the US when we did that. Once I was with Tom I felt so safe with him, and at one point about half way through our journey I thought to myself “Rach if you get separated from Tom do you even know what hotel we’re staying in?” and I had to say answer myself with a big NOPE… I really had no clue of where we were or anything when I was with him, because that’s how safe I felt with him really. That’s a huge compliment to him also because usually I have to know where we were and what time we were doing whatever, but I feel so conferrable with Tom that Im not like that with him, I can give him control and still feel safe.

            It took a while for me to trust Tom and to know that he was not like everyone else! I had to trust that he wouldn’t cheat on me, or walk out on me when times get tough, and that he was going to be right beside me walking hand and hand with me. I don’t ever think he is going to leave me or anything like that, that is never in my head, and I really thought I would never get to the point in my life where I would trust someone as much as I trust him.

            I am so truly blessed to have him in my life, and now looking back I can see how God prepared me for him, I can see that everything I didn’t in my life led him and I to the same road. When I didn’t think anything made sense, now looking back I see why that happened to me or I can see why I chose to do this or that. I had a good friend say to me that once you find who God really wants you to be with you will see that everything in your life that made no sense at all, all of the sudden makes sense

Tom makes me want to be a better person too, I never wanted to dress up for anyone or where a dress for my man, or anything before I met Tom. I like shopping now, and I like doing my hair now, and putting on makeup, this is how I know he is the one for me also, because I never did that stuff before really. I look forward to waking up and putting on a dress, even though he’s not here with me, it makes me feel like Im getting dressed up for him in a way.

I just could talk about Tom for hours and hours Im sure my girlfriends get sick of hearing about him but it makes me feel like he's here when I talk about him. Like he is just gone for a few days visiting some friends and him and I will be together soon. Im having a real bad miss Tom day today, I feel like I could just burst out in tiers right now just thinking about him………

He takes me as I am....

The past few days I have felt like I was not important to Tom, but not really not important, but kind of like other things were more important than me. So on Sunday I said to him just that, that I didn’t feel important, and when we were done having our little “issue” (that’s what we call our arguments, Issues, lol) I didn’t think anything else of it and I went about my day. Tonight Tom says to me that I really hurt his feeling when I said that, but by no means did I say that to hurt his feeling at all, I wouldn’t really do anything to hurt his feeling actually. But over the past few days I have seen a change in him, a good change, like what I said really did hit home and he is trying to be a better him. I use the word “Better” because I would never want him to change I love him for who he is and what he is, but there is always ways of bettering ourselves I think. I try on a daily basis to better myself for him. If I know there is something that bothers him I try to improve that, maybe still do it but in a different way, a less irritating way maybe.

            Unless you are in our shoes you will never truly understand how we feel, you can sympathize with us but not empathize with us. This is the most wonderful time in my life and also the hardest time in my life so far. From meeting Tom, to going to India and being with the orphans, and actually meeting Tom, to going through the immigration stage with Tom. All along Tom has been there for me though, never leaving my side, and we know that is a God Thing 101%!!!!!

            I know that in the long term of our life this is nothing, this is just a stepping-stone we have to get over, but in my head it’s a big stepping-stone. Some days I can see the other side of the stone and some days I feel like I walked 100 steps only to be pushed back 150 steps. All along Tom is right next to me though, he my rock in my life, he is the one who holds us together. He said tonight when I am sad he is there to life me up and when he is sad and down I am there to life him up. That is so true too, when I am having a bad day he is right there for me doing everything he can do even if it means laughing at me because Im being dumb about something.

            He reassures me daily that he is here for me and we are in the same boat together, not a doubt in my head thinks we won’t be together. I can truly say up to this point in my life I have never felt like this with anyone.

God has put some really awesome people in our path to help us with this process, from people who are in the same boat, to good friends around me, and good friends over seas. Every one of these people play a special roll in our lives! I am blessed that Tom has good friends in India who except “Us”, because I was not sure he would have anyone to speak with when he moved back home. I can see his friends in India coming around, from what Tom says they are getting used to me “being around” and call him daily.  He had a great support system in The UK, his friends there took a liking to me very quickly and I am good friends with all of them now.

I love Tom with all my heart and I have to say I think we get along about 98% of the time, but no relationship is perfect, nor would I want us to be. When we were talking today he said to me that he’s sure there is be things that we will have to get used to about each other, but we have come to far to let little things stand in our way. I can say Im sure I know him better than just about anyone else, because we are on the phone and we are forced to speak. Its different than if we were sitting right next to each other, their cant be pauses and delays we have to keep speaking. I like that though, I like that I know him better than anyone else, and he knows me better than anyone else. That’s my favorite part of Tom, I can tell him anything and he does not get mad at me, he takes me as I am….

           

I smiled to myself and thought wow we really have come a long way

            Its funny how things change in a relationship, how you get to know the other person so well that you know what ticks them off and you know what makes them happy and smile. TOM, and I say that with caps for a reason, knows me so very well, it sometimes amazes me how well he knows me.

He knows the little things that put me over the top, like I cant go to bed knowing he is angry with me, or when we are having an argument and he turns his phone off (that’s the worse for me), or that I love it when he sends me an email or when he gets on my FB and post things for me. He knows I don’t like to be called buddy or pal, and yet he still does it just to get a little grrrr out of me.

I know he likes it when I take pictures of the things we are doing in Ohio and of the places I go and send them to him, I know he does NOT want our bedroom painted in Pink. I know he does not like it when I cry when we are fighting, or for that matter anytime I cry, I know he likes my hair strait, so I try to wear it strait for him as much as I can.

            Those things are the things that keep our relationship going on a daily basis, and keeps us on our toes. A “perfect” relationship would be a boring relationship don’t you think? Who wants to be with someone who is perfect, I sure know I don’t want to be.

            The only thing we fight about is being jealous and I don’t even know why we fight about that, it’s so dumb to me, I don’t understand why I get so jealous!!  My mom said a little jealousy is a good thing in a relationship, so I guess its good, but by no means would I ever want jealousy to come between him and I. I love Tom way too much to let something dumb like that come between him and I.

            When I look back at the little arguments we have, I have to laugh sometimes, because I just think to myself why did we fighting over that? And then I think did I really say that? Why did I say that? Really Rach come on and think before you speak sometimes!!!! I have to say I hide nothing from Tom though, I think that’s why when we fight I say what’s on my mind because I truly tell him everything, but in know way would I ever intentionally say something to hurt his feelings, Im not like that, and I know he is not like that either.  

            Sometimes I think I tell him too much though, not because I don’t want to hide anything from him but because Im sure he really does not care about every little thing I do in the day. This is a typical conversation we have at like 7am everyday…

Rach: Hi babe how was your day?

Tom: Fine, how was your night last night?

Me: Super Great…I ate tacos for dinner with my mom and dad, and then I went shopping for a little bit with my mom to Target and I bought a new shirt, a wallet, and a pair of shoes. Then we turned TV on and watched Design Star (tv show) for an hour, then I fixed some popcorn for everyone, packed my lunch for work in the morning, fed the cats, and Benny (my cat) Babe he’s getting so fat he needs to go on a diet. Can you put cats on a diet?

Tom: I guess so

Rach: Anyways so then I got on the internet and looked at my FB and logged on to your FB and messed a few of our friends, then put my PJ’s on, text you before I went to bed, turned the TV on in my bedroom and eventually fell asleep. Then I woke up ate breakfast, took a shower, got dressed, and called you baby.

Tom: Great, what’s new baby?

Rach: Oh nothing much I just work today till 6pm then I’ll go home and eat dinner with my parents, watch some TV, I’ll probably take a walk too, and then go to bed. You mean to tell me you didn’t do anything today Babe?

Tom: Umm no not really…

            Do you notice anything wrong with this conversation? Ummm like maybe the 1000 words I spoke and the 10 words he spoke??? I look back and think, “Does my boyfriend really care that I turned the TV on? Or that I blew my hair dry before putting my makeup on this morning?” Ummmm Probably NOT…  Lol …

But then we have days when he talks and talks and talk!!! Like I had said before when we first met each other we would skype for hours and hours and then we would talk on the phone on top of that too. So maybe he does care about that stuff, who knows right? But Lord knows even if he didn’t care about the little things I do all day Im probably still going to tell him, that’s just me and in the words of Tom “I don’t want you to change I want you to be exactly who you are, that’s who I fell in love with.”

            I just love how I can look back at the first time we spoke and then look at the last conversation we had and smile. I can smile because I see how much we have grown in the past year and how much we really do love each other.

            When we first met Tom told me something that shocked me kind of, he said that most Indians don’t say please and thank you. They never say please can I have something they just expect to get what they want, and they don’t say sorry unless it was something they did really wrong. Well at least that’s how I understood it when he explained it to me when we first started dating. Just today Tom said sorry to me for something, and when he said that to me it reminded me of the time when he said they don’t say sorry. I smiled to myself and thought wow we really have come a long way, and that makes me happy….

I will embrace the ones that like me and pray that the ones who don’t will

I just miss him so much; words can’t even explain how I feel some days. When Im having one of my “I miss you days” I really don’t want to speak with anyone but him. I can try to explain how I feel to my mom but truly she can never understand how I feel, she has never been away from my dad for more than 4 or 5 days at a time. I’m going on 4 months of not seeing him, and at this rate I wont get to see him again till January or February.

He told me the other day to remember we are in the same boat going to the same place, that’s hard for me to remember sometimes. I know he has the same feelings that I do, he just doesn’t cry like me or express his feelings the same way as I do, but he still has them.

Oh gosh we had such a great talk today, it was just a really nice talk. Some days we just have a general talk, I miss you I love you I miss you again. Not today, it was a great talk, and it was a 2way talk, not just me talking the whole time he talked too. Don’t get me wrong he does talk, but he’s a guy, and sometimes he just has nothing to say really. He said today that he cant believe how I have made him open up and talk, he has never been a real big talker but he wants to talk with me he wants to tell me things that are going, and that make me happy. 

Sometimes I tend to refer to myself as “fat” or “big” and he does not like that at all, not one bit. He said something very cute to me today, he said that no one knows you like I know you and no one can see exactly what I see in your heart. He said he does not like it when I say I am fat or big or talk down about myself because he loves me and that’s all that matters and I am beautiful to him. I have never had someone care about me as much as he does, besides my family of course, and not very many people in my life have told me I am beautiful that feels nice to hear especially from the guy I love with all my heart.

As we were talking today he said to me, if I were any other gal Im sure we would have been broken up by now. That kind of shocked me, but in a way I almost felt the same way as he did, because if he was not as awesome as he is I don’t think we would have lasted either. If someone would of said to me a year ago I would be marring a man from India, I would have probably said yeah right. Now as I look back I couldn’t imagine my life without Tom, who would I talk to all day, who would I have to speak with when Im upset, who would I have to have little arguments with? I just couldn’t imagine not having him really.

 He makes me smile when he says the things I do are special, but I don’t think they are special its just what I do. I think like this, I treat people the way I want people to be treated, so I do little things for people that I would want done for me. That’s the best way I can explain it I guess, I just treat people with respect.

Just think about it like this, emails are special, and yes I enjoy getting emails, but I would enjoy a card in the mail too. I think when I think about it, all you have to do is turn your computer on and write a letter, not that that’s not special don’t get me wrong. But think how you feel when you open your mailbox and you have letter or a little package in it that puts a smile on my face instantly, and that’s how I would like other people to feel too.  

That’s how I want our friends to feel, like we took the time to send them something, especially because most of them live half way around the world. I want his sister and his parents to know that we were thinking about them when we go on vacation or when it’s Christmas time by sending them something.

I have to say this, Tom does have some of the best friends though, they are amazing, well the ones that I have spoken with at least, they accept me very well. They never make me feel like Im the “American” with their Indian friend, they speak to me like I have been friends with them for a long time. That makes me feel good, because a lot of the people don’t accept us yet, but one day they will Im sure of it. So for now I will embrace the ones that like me and pray that the ones who don’t will one day!

We were just standing there looking out into the street...

Our first day in India together…

Today Tom and I were talking about our first day in India together… The one thing that sticks out in both of our minds is when we were on Nigel’s porch. Everyone was in the house and Tom and I were standing on the porch, and for the first time we were all by ourselves, truly for the first time…

We were just standing there looking out into the street, and Tom had his arm around me, and I was holding his hand. It was almost like I was dreaming, like I was really not standing next to him, I just knew I was going to wake up and be home in my bed alone. But that was not true, I was standing right next to him for the first time, I could touch him, smell him, kiss him, just be with him.

That was about the only time after that we were all alone, but it was the best time, really the whole time we were together was my “favorite” time, but his time is one of the best times.

The only quote that comes to my mind is “when you have finally found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to start right now”. I love this quote because it’s exactly how I feel about Tom, I want my “forever” to start now, today, right this minute.

Today Tom and I got into a huge fight, and we don’t fight that much I don’t think, but today it just hit how very much I love him!!! Before I was with Tom when I would fight with my bf I would leave and not speak with him for days, but I’m different with Tom, I can’t stand it when we fight. It makes me crazy to not be able to talk it out, to just hang the phone up and not speak with him makes me go crazy.

My grandma always said “Rach when you meet the one, you will just know he’s the one, your life will be different with him, you will feel different with him. Do you feel different with this one Rach? If the answer is NO, then he is NOT the one.” I can say without a doubt that Tom is the one, I feel differently with him, about him, around him, I love him differently.

Soon he and I will be “all alone” again, for the very first time, and I can’t wait for that day…

Tom asked me today why do I love him so much?

Tom asked me today why do I love him so much? I really couldn’tanswer that question, well not with words at least. I have example but notwords really… Like I love how me answers his phone when I call, even if I havecalled him 7 times in 7 hours he always answers his phone like it’s the firsttime I call that day. He never says I’m bothering him, he might ask me to callhim back in a little bit, but he never makes me feel like I was the last personhe wanted to speak with.

The other day I just couldn’t get enough of him, I reallywanted to just talk to him all day long, and never stop. Finally when I knew itwas about the time for him to go to sleep I called him and told him good nightand I will speak with him in the morning. About an hour later I get a messageon my phone and it was from him and he just said I know you couldn’t get enoughof me today so I just wanted to say good night one more time. Its stuff like thatthat makes me love him more and more every day…

I can honestly say I do love him more today than I didyesterday and I’m sure I will love him more tomorrow than I do today. I don’t believethat God would bring him and I together for no reason, just for “this” to fallapart. I don’t believe that at all, I know without a dough him and I are goingto get married and that we are made for each other.

My dad asked me the other day how Tom and I speak all day onthe phone, what do we have to talk about for hours and hours? I told him thatwhen you have a relationship based on distance that what you have to do. Totell you the truth there are very few days that we don’t have something to talkabout, well usually I speak and he listens (lol) but there are days when he isa talker too don’t get me wrong.

We have problems just like any other relationship too. Justbecause we are miles away from each other don’t think we don’t fight sometimesor get jealous or irritated with each other. No relationship is perfect and I’mnot clamming that ours is at all, but who wants to be with someone who isperfect anyways???

I have never been a jealous person before, but there issomething about Tom that makes me jealous, not in a bad way, but in a “I don’t wantanyone else to realize how awesome you are” kind of way. But then I have tothink about it differently, do I trust Tom? Of course I do, more than anyonejust about in the world (besides my family) , so if I trust him then I have tothink that he’s not going to leave me for someone else, I have to have moreconfidence in myself , my relationship, and my fiancé. 

Tom makes me feel like I am the most beautiful person in theworld, he does not care that I have little chubby fingers or I’m not a twig, oranything like that. He loves me for me, like I love him for him, I wouldn’t changeanything about our relationship we are right where God wants us to be. God knowswe can handle being apart right now, and I know this will only make us astronger couple when we are finally together every day.

I feel like I can be me when I am with Tom, I don’t have tobe someone different, I can just be Rachel. I have never had that before in mylife, I always had a guy who controlled me and wanted me to do exactly what hewanted when he wanted and he didn’t care how it made me feel at all. Not Tom heis 101% different than that, he lets me be me, without any strings tied orropes attached, I can just be me!!!

If you are lucky enough to meet a guy like I have, all I cansay is keep a hold of him and treasure the time you have with him. I thank Godfor every minute of every day I get to spend with My Love, not a minute goes bythat I don’t think about him, and I can’t wait for us to be together soon…..