Who cares what these people think Babe?

I have never had a guy in my life, besides my dad and my brother, who I could depend on totally till I met Tom. When I was planning my trip to India I had many people say to me what if Tom doesn’t show up at the airport? What if hes just playing with your mind and he is not really going to come to Chandigarh? I guess I really didn’t have anything to say to those people because I never thought he wouldn’t be at the airport. That was just not an option at all really, he had giving me no indication he wouldn’t be at the airport.

But, my favorite thing that people say to me is: How do you know hes just not marrying you to come to the US, I’m just looking out for you by saying that, really I am. Do you think you are looking out for me? Because I don’t see it as someone looking out for me at all, I see it as someone trying to put dough into my head. Your not the first person who has said that to me, and you will not be the last person to say that to me either, I can bet money on that!!!! Don’t get me wrong there are a few people in my life who would say something like that to me who really and truly care about me, but for the most part people are just being noisy.

I don’t feel the need to defend my relationship with Tom at all, and that is the one thing I can tell any couple like us. Do not feel like you have to tell everyone everything or defend that you fell in love with someone. That is no ones business at all, that is between the two of you not between you guys and everyone else.

Many nights Tom has sat on the phone and listen to me tell him about what this person said, or what that person said, or how this person feels about us. One day he said to me “who cares what these people think Babe? Why does it matter you know me and I know you and that’s all that matters really!!!” See I got myself a Smart Indian, he don’t listen to what anyone says, he listens to me and to what I say, not what other people say to him about me.

If you know anything about India you know that they still believe in arranged marriages, and by no means am I saying there is anything wrong with an arranged marriage at all, I’m just saying we chose a different path. Toms sister is doing an arranged marriage and she is very happy with that life and I am happy for her too. I know Tom will do his best along with his father to pick the right guy for her.

Its hard for me to remember sometimes that everything everyone says to me about us getting married, is also being said to him, but really in a much bigger way than me. My parents love Tom they think he is a great guy and they are happy I’m in love with him and we are getting married. But like I said before, India believes in arranged marriages, and that goes for Toms mom and dad also. They would love for their son to marry a nice Indian gal settle down in India and have a great life, just like my parents want for me too. So our parents really think the same, they just want their kids to have a happy life.

Tom has not told his parents yet that we are getting married, and I can understand why completely, but in the beginning of our relationship it was hard for me to understand why he was not telling his parents. In the past I have said to him that I feel like he is living 2 separate lives sometimes, the one all of India knows, his parents, and most of his friends, and then the life he lives with me and a few of his good friends. Do I think he likes living 2 lives? No I don’t think that at all. I know he will tell his mom and dad one day when the time is right, and that will be that, they will know that their son is marring me and life will go on.

In the past we have had many talks about when Tom was going to tell his parents, and this is because until I was in India and saw how it was there I really had no idea how India was. I try my hardest to not say anything to him about telling his parents now because I understand India better now than I did before. But some days it eats Tom away inside, he is really living 2 separate lives for sure, and after a while that gets to be hard on a person. But I don’t want him to tell them before he is ready, If I could be there when he tells them I would without a dough, but Tom knows his parents a lot better than me, and he knows when the time is right.

If you are in the same kind of situation you just have to wait and wait and wait. My friend Chitra said to me one day “India is different Rach, you just have to wait till the time is right and trust that Tom knows what he is doing.” She is in a similar situation kind of, and if anyone knows about waiting it would be her. She is someone I vent to when I don’t understand something, and when Tom has already explained it to me 15 different times.

I just thank God everyday for putting Tom in my life, and for giving him the knowledge to understand me when I am happy, sad, crying, laughing.... I am truly blessed to have Tom in my life and I wouldn’t give him up for anything...