The first thing I see is this Indian man with his Chinese girlfriend holding hands.

            I still will never forget when I first landed in India at the Delhi airport, I walked through these 2 glass doors and was instantly hit with a huge group of people holding signs and shouting at people. At that point I had been up for something like 30 strait hours, I was exhausted and hungry, and on top of everything the bus line I was told to take to the orphanage no one had ever heard of. I was in tiers with Tom on the phone and he was telling me to calm down everything is going to be okay, I will be fine, its just India no one is going to hurt me I just have to try to find someone to speak with and help me. Finally I find someone to speak with and I was able to get a ticket for the right bus and I felt a lot better already. When I get on the bus and the first thing I see is this Indian man with his Chinese girlfriend holding hands, I remember looking at them and wishing Tom was with me, and how safe I would feel if he was here with me.

This was my first time in India, and it was my first time outside of the US except to take car trips to Canada, and that does not feel like I was even out of the US when we did that. Once I was with Tom I felt so safe with him, and at one point about half way through our journey I thought to myself “Rach if you get separated from Tom do you even know what hotel we’re staying in?” and I had to say answer myself with a big NOPE… I really had no clue of where we were or anything when I was with him, because that’s how safe I felt with him really. That’s a huge compliment to him also because usually I have to know where we were and what time we were doing whatever, but I feel so conferrable with Tom that Im not like that with him, I can give him control and still feel safe.

            It took a while for me to trust Tom and to know that he was not like everyone else! I had to trust that he wouldn’t cheat on me, or walk out on me when times get tough, and that he was going to be right beside me walking hand and hand with me. I don’t ever think he is going to leave me or anything like that, that is never in my head, and I really thought I would never get to the point in my life where I would trust someone as much as I trust him.

            I am so truly blessed to have him in my life, and now looking back I can see how God prepared me for him, I can see that everything I didn’t in my life led him and I to the same road. When I didn’t think anything made sense, now looking back I see why that happened to me or I can see why I chose to do this or that. I had a good friend say to me that once you find who God really wants you to be with you will see that everything in your life that made no sense at all, all of the sudden makes sense

Tom makes me want to be a better person too, I never wanted to dress up for anyone or where a dress for my man, or anything before I met Tom. I like shopping now, and I like doing my hair now, and putting on makeup, this is how I know he is the one for me also, because I never did that stuff before really. I look forward to waking up and putting on a dress, even though he’s not here with me, it makes me feel like Im getting dressed up for him in a way.

I just could talk about Tom for hours and hours Im sure my girlfriends get sick of hearing about him but it makes me feel like he's here when I talk about him. Like he is just gone for a few days visiting some friends and him and I will be together soon. Im having a real bad miss Tom day today, I feel like I could just burst out in tiers right now just thinking about him………

He takes me as I am....

The past few days I have felt like I was not important to Tom, but not really not important, but kind of like other things were more important than me. So on Sunday I said to him just that, that I didn’t feel important, and when we were done having our little “issue” (that’s what we call our arguments, Issues, lol) I didn’t think anything else of it and I went about my day. Tonight Tom says to me that I really hurt his feeling when I said that, but by no means did I say that to hurt his feeling at all, I wouldn’t really do anything to hurt his feeling actually. But over the past few days I have seen a change in him, a good change, like what I said really did hit home and he is trying to be a better him. I use the word “Better” because I would never want him to change I love him for who he is and what he is, but there is always ways of bettering ourselves I think. I try on a daily basis to better myself for him. If I know there is something that bothers him I try to improve that, maybe still do it but in a different way, a less irritating way maybe.

            Unless you are in our shoes you will never truly understand how we feel, you can sympathize with us but not empathize with us. This is the most wonderful time in my life and also the hardest time in my life so far. From meeting Tom, to going to India and being with the orphans, and actually meeting Tom, to going through the immigration stage with Tom. All along Tom has been there for me though, never leaving my side, and we know that is a God Thing 101%!!!!!

            I know that in the long term of our life this is nothing, this is just a stepping-stone we have to get over, but in my head it’s a big stepping-stone. Some days I can see the other side of the stone and some days I feel like I walked 100 steps only to be pushed back 150 steps. All along Tom is right next to me though, he my rock in my life, he is the one who holds us together. He said tonight when I am sad he is there to life me up and when he is sad and down I am there to life him up. That is so true too, when I am having a bad day he is right there for me doing everything he can do even if it means laughing at me because Im being dumb about something.

            He reassures me daily that he is here for me and we are in the same boat together, not a doubt in my head thinks we won’t be together. I can truly say up to this point in my life I have never felt like this with anyone.

God has put some really awesome people in our path to help us with this process, from people who are in the same boat, to good friends around me, and good friends over seas. Every one of these people play a special roll in our lives! I am blessed that Tom has good friends in India who except “Us”, because I was not sure he would have anyone to speak with when he moved back home. I can see his friends in India coming around, from what Tom says they are getting used to me “being around” and call him daily.  He had a great support system in The UK, his friends there took a liking to me very quickly and I am good friends with all of them now.

I love Tom with all my heart and I have to say I think we get along about 98% of the time, but no relationship is perfect, nor would I want us to be. When we were talking today he said to me that he’s sure there is be things that we will have to get used to about each other, but we have come to far to let little things stand in our way. I can say Im sure I know him better than just about anyone else, because we are on the phone and we are forced to speak. Its different than if we were sitting right next to each other, their cant be pauses and delays we have to keep speaking. I like that though, I like that I know him better than anyone else, and he knows me better than anyone else. That’s my favorite part of Tom, I can tell him anything and he does not get mad at me, he takes me as I am….