He is 99% cheekiness for sure...

@ 4:37pm my time and 3:07am Toms time he called me today…. I love it when he calls me randomly during my day after we have said good night already!!!! Those are the little things that make me happy, and make me fall more and more in love with him every day!

I can’t wait to get married, this is going to be one of the best days of my life, the day I become Tom’s wife. My mom and I were talking about the wedding yesterday and she said when we know what day he is coming we can plan to get married the following weekend. We are hoping that Tom will be able to come in like August so that we can get married in my moms back yard, or if its raining we can get married at our church also, either way I don’t care.

Our colors for the wedding are Red and Black, and I have tried to get things in my home that are Red and Black so we can recycle our wedding things all over our home. Im a recycler, if it can be reused then lets reuse it for sure, or give it to someone who can use it, don’t just throw it away. So I have bought vases for the red and black feathers to go in, and I have bought candles, which will be used that day, and I have gotten some candleholders also and we will be able to use them for candles or ashtrays at the house.

Im just so very excited to have Tom here, I feel like our life is starting now, I just feel totally differently about us the past few weeks in a good way. I feel as is I am calmer now than I have ever been, and don’t get me wrong I have bad days just like anyone but I feel calmer now. I do try to modify into our relationship as so does he too; we both are doing things to make us better. I believe when you are in a relationship you need to work together to make “us” better, better as couple and better as a team together.

I never thought in a millions years God would send me someone like Tom; he really keeps me on my toes for sure. He is one of the Cheekiest people I know, I mean he is 99% cheekiness for sure!!!!!  He always messes with me and says that there is no other girl in the world who would put up with him like I do, they would of dumped him a long time ago, or at least smacked him then left him hehe…. Not me, Im so used to it now, that there are some days I try to mess with him, but he always messes with me back, and then it always ends in his favor. ALWAYS!!!!!!! Grrrrrr ;)

Im just blessed that next Christmas I will be spending it with him Im sure of it, and we will have our little Christmas tree in our little house. I can’t wait to start traditions of our own for us and eventually our kids, I just sit back and wonder what we will do! Whatever it is it will be “our” traditions, and that just makes me smile just thinking about it =) …

Merry Christmas everyone…

We will be in it together ...

Jacob and Rachel- Old Testament Love Story

After Jacob ran away from his brother Esau, he went to live with his mother’s family in Haran. While looking for his uncle Laban, Jacob met Rachel, Laban’s daughter. She was caring for her father’s sheep. Rachel took Jacob to Laban who gave Jacob a job and a place to stay.

Jacob negotiated with Laban to work for him for seven years. In return Laban would give his daughter Rachel to Jacob as his wife. The Bible says in Genesis 29:20, “And Jacob served seven years for Rachel; and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her.”

At the end of the seven years Laban offered his daughter’s hand in marriage. However, at the wedding Laban tricked Jacob into marrying Leah, the older sister. Because, he said, it was not right for the younger daughter to marry first. The Bible says that Jacob continued to work for Laban another seven years to be able to have Rachel as his wife.

Jacob originally consented to a seven-year contract to wed the girl he loved. Even after the deception, he continued to work another seven years for the hand of Rachel.

Wow…. Jacob worked for 14 years for Rachel, and I think waiting 1 year for Tom is a long time, but what really is a year? It’s a whole year to get to know him better! I do have to say I we know each other pretty well; he knows how my day is just by how I say “Hello”. When he asked me what’s wrong I never think he is saying that out of habit or because he has too, I truly know its because he really wants to know what wrong with me.

When we were in Agra we went to this little white temple looking building, a very pretty building, but Im not sure if it would be considered a temple or not. Anyways there were only a few people in the whole place and Tom took this picture of me leaning against the wall next to this really pretty picture of some flowers. Its probably one of my favorite pictures of me that was taken the whole time we were in India. I feel like I was genuinely looking at Tom, my smile was real not for show, and I was just so happy right then and there. I can even remember walking into the building and just looking at everything, with amazement in my eyes, thinking how beautiful this building was.

Tom loves to take picture as much as I do, and so in this building he was the main person taking picture pretty much. He took pictures of 2 burial sites of 2 people inside the building, the walls, the pretty ceiling, and pictures of me of course ;) … He captivates me with how kind he is, and how loving he is with me, how when he would take a picture it had to be right on, and always looked great…

Tom never makes me feel like Im not good enough for him, or Im not pretty enough for him, or smart enough for him, he loves me for me. He never took a picture of me and said it was not a good picture, no matter now much I didn’t like that specific picture, he always says positive things to me. The other day he told me I am good exactly how I am, he loves me for who I am not who anyone wants me to be.

I was in my car the other day driving on the express-way and I was think how much I love Tom, how much he means to me, and how grateful I am to have such a wonderful man in my life. I speak with him everyday, from the time I wake up till the time I go to bed he is on my mind. There are no decisions I make that I don’t first think how this will affect him or us, because he is my life, and its important that he is part of my daily life as much as Im part of his daily life.

I often feel as if God put Tom and I on this earth to do something more than just get up and go to work everyday, come home eat dinner, and go to bed. I can’t even imagine the great things Tom and I could do in The US, In India, In Malaysia, In China wherever we choose to go our options are endless. No matter what happens in Our lives we will be in it together and that’s the best feeling in the world!!!

We are communicating with each other now...

Its hard for me to sleep right now, I am up for most of the night just laying in my bed looking at the ceiling. I told tom last night that even though it was hot when we were in India and that made it hard to sleep some nights, I still slept the best because I felt safe with him. I felt like he would do everything in his power to protect me if anything happened.  I have to say that was probably the last time I can remember totally sleeping well and not being up all night.

I can’t wait for the time in my life when we are together every night, and I can have that feeling again of security and the comfort knowing he will protect me. For the most part I don’t really care where we live at, that’s not my concern right now, it’s just being together that I am looking forward too.

Now this is our 2^nd Christmas together, and I pray to God that our 3^rd Christmas can really be spent together. Every time I go into a Christmas store I buy a new ornament for our tree, I love Christmas ornaments so much. This past year I have bought a few for our tree, I am hoping we will have a place of our own by next year somewhere. I figure even if we are living somewhere besides the US we can still have Christmas decorations up, it might not be as popular wherever we move to have Christmas things up, but that’s okay I don’t care about that.

When I think about Christmas in a place like India, I just think “but there’s no snow??” And it might be “winter” time in India right now, but it’s certainly not cold in India right now! Ehhh what’s snow anyways? Just something you have to scrape off your car, wear boots in, and freeze in all winter… I guess it’s kind of over rated this whole snow thing anyways…  Who needs snow at Christmas time? We can make snowflakes wherever we live and put them in the windows =) …

My mom has been so cute this year about Christmas presents. She said to me a few weeks ago “What does my future son want for Christmas this year?” that made my day, I couldn’t stop smiling all day long. My parents are very accepting of the choices I make in my life, don’t get me wrong they will be sad when we move away, but they also want there daughter to be happy.

In some aspects last Christmas was harder for me than this Christmas, I feel like I am more secure with us now than I was last year. Take today for example, he has been waiting for a phone call tonight and he told me he would call me back when he could. No problem, because he explained to me what was going, instead of just not answering the phone. I am extremely happy with how we have grown, because we are communicating with each other now.

The “old” Rachel would be asking all of the where, what, why, who questions that I would of asked before. Not now, I was fine with this, and I was fine with it because he now does his part too. His part is simply picking up the phone and saying that he is busy or he is waiting on a call and he will call me back, and he actually calls me back then. So with him working harder for us and me working harder for us, we are good now.

Don’t pass your lesson up because you are thinking the wrong way...

WOW I can’t believe we have been together for over a year now!!!! When I think about when we first met till now I cant believe how much we have grown as a couple and how much I feel totally secure with Us in general.

I know everyone has good days, bad days, and just okay days in general but I have to say my days are much better because of Tom. When I am having a bad day he is the one person who makes me smile, and that I know he will be there for me. He said the other day that I am the one he is going to marry, and every time he says those things to me it gives me butterflies in my tummy. As a girl it's nice to be reassured of things sometimes, not that he has to tell me those things everyday, but its nice for us to just talk about our wedding sometimes.

I truly try to tell him that I love him at the end of every phone call, and I love it when he says I love you too, that’s  just one of my “things” I guess. I think its because we don’t see each other that often, so for me a “I love you too” just makes the space between us that much closer.

I can tell you that over the past few months our relationship has gotten better, I think a lot better because I feel like I understand Tom more now than I did before. Before when I would call him if he didn’t answer I would get irritated with him and call and call and call him till he would be irritated with me and then it would end in an argument or us just not speaking. I said to myself one day:

“Really Rach what’s your problem? You were not raised like this!!! Come on lady….”

From that day forth I just had to start thinking differently, I had to think about him more. As much as I always thought I was thinking about him, in all reality I was not thinking about him, I was thinking “about him” but not in the way I should have been thinking, does that make sense? 

If you are a girl, I guarantee you over think things, I know I sure over think just about everything, from the way Tom says Hello, to the way he say Good night, and everything in between. He will say “Don’t rack your brain all night, I didn’t mean anything by that!” it doest matter if he says that I will still over think whatever he said. I think its just a girl thing really, my friend Helen said to me the other day that she over thinks things too no matter what it is, so yes its just a girl thing.

Being with Tom I have had to learn to pick what I “over think” about, he loves to mess with my head and make me go crazy. He is in fact so good at messing with me that some times I have no idea if he is messing with me or if he is not messing with me till he says he's not messing with me. So no wonder I over think things, now that I think about it… hehe…

You wouldn’t believe what goes through a girl’s head though; a million things are going through it all day long. Things from why didn’t he answer the phone?  Who is he with? Where is he at? What is he doing?  Now how is thinking this way helping a relationship? Its not, it’s not helping at all, in fact it’s making you and your guy go crazy!!!

Like I said before I had to start thinking differently, and once I did that, I wasn’t concerned about Why?  Who? Where? What?  I am more concerned now with his feelings and less concerned about the dumb stuff that I worried about before. In turn this has made me calmer and has made him more prone to answering my phone call when I call. Now he knows Im not going to be upset with him because he didn’t answer the phone when I called, he knows that I understand that sometimes he just cant answer the phone, not because Im not important but because whatever he is doing is important too.

Everyday is another day to learn a lesson, don’t pass your lesson up because you are thinking the wrong way.

I was talking to my friend Jo the other day

I was talking to my friend Jo the other day and I said to her that I just don’t understand why Tom does not tell me when he is upset. I tell him every detail of my life, from the time I wake up till the time I go to bed, and when Im upset he hears all about it. I just don’t understand why he doesn’t tell me when he's upset? Jo said to me that just recently she has come to understand why most guys are like this. Her mom said that she always tells her dad everything, and one day she said why don’t you tell me when your upset? He simply said its okay for me to carry your worry, but you don’t need to carry mine also. I almost think that ever since then I have thought of our relationship differently, not that I don’t want to know when he is upset but I understand that he will tell me when he wants me to know, Im not going to drive myself crazy if he doesn’t want to tell me right now.

I used to get upset if Tom didn’t call me before he went to bed, or if he didn’t call me back when I called him. Now I think I am so confident in our relationship that stuff like that does not bother me. Before I would call him 15 times in a row if he didn’t answer and that would make me so angry that he didn’t answer. Now I will call him 1 or 2 times in the morning when I wake up, maybe send him a text, and then wait for him to call me if he doesn’t answer the phone.  I can say that he also has gotten better about answering the phone when I call too. I also know now that just about the time I wake up is the time his friends are all getting home from work and sometimes he is busy.

I have to say though for our relationship being how it is, we are really good together, from the little things we deal with on a daily bases to the big things we have to deal with. Between him and I we deal very well with each other I think, he is a cheeky Indian on some days, and I am big old crybaby on other days.

I know that if I want anything done I have to ask in advance, but he will do it. It might not get done when I want it done, but it will get done eventually. He knows that if he asked me to do something it will get done too, but it will probably get done way faster than he wanted it done, that’s just how I am.

We figure when we get married he is going to be the one that slows me down and makes me think about today a little bit, and I will be the one who makes him think about tomorrow a bit more. We are perfect for each other when you think about it.

You know I was thinking the other day, when we were on vacation in India I had no idea where we were staying, I didn’t know the name of the hotel, what street it was on, nothing. If Tom and I would have been separated I wouldn’t of known what to do really, I didn’t even have a phone with me once I was with him. That’s how comfortable I am with him, he just takes care of me and makes me feel safe. I know he will always take care of, that’s why Im also not worried about living in India one day, because I know he will help me till I am conferrable with our surroundings.

I guess I don’t realize how much I truly depend on him till I sit back and really think about it. Besides God, Tom is my life, don’t get me wrong I love my family, but my mom always taught me that when I get married I leave them and go with my husband. They are still in our life of course, but now I have to make decisions with my husband and make sure he is okay with what we decide. I cant wait to be married, this is what I have been put on this earth for, to be a wife and mom, I just cant wait for the day I say I do to the man I love with all my heart.

The better half....

Tom messes with my head so bad, and he thinks its funny, but let me tell you in the beginning I didn’t think it was so funny. Now I have his game down, and I mess right back with him, he even said to me today he needs to find new ways of “messing” with me because Im catching on now.

Ill give you an example of what he does to me…

Me: hi can I speak with Tom please

Toms Friend: Ummmm ohhh (tom in the back ground saying tell her tell her) he's out with his girlfriend right now.

Me: Oh okay, that’s great just tell him to call his other girlfriend when he gets home.

Toms Friend: Ummm ooookay Ummm hold on

Tom: ahahahahahaha Hi baby I just got in from my date with my “other”.

Me: Oh that’s just great baby did you have fun?

Tom: oh yes loads of fun….

You see now its funny to me but 4 months ago it ticked me off so bad when he did that. Plus now he has a friend named Ganesh, and Ganesh is probably the only one of his friends who sticks up for me. So he really doesn’t mess with me much anymore, except when he is in a real cheeky mood.

I was looking on the Internet today and I came across something kind of interesting. It was the vows that are said in an Indian Hindu Wedding Ceremony, or actually a South Asian wedding I think it was to be exact. They were stated as followed:

1. I will consider my wife to be The better half. I will look after her just as I look after myself.

2. Accepting her as in-charge of my home, I shall plan things in consultation with her.

3. I will never express dissatisfaction about any shortcomings in my wife. If there are any, I will explain them to her lovingly. I will support her in overcoming them.

4. I will always have faith in my wife. I will never look at another woman with wrong intent, nor have an illicit relationship.

5. I will be affectionate and treat my wife like a friend.

6. I will bring home all my income to my wife. The household expenses will be incurred with her consent. I will always make an effort to ensure her comfort and happiness.

7. I will not find fault or criticize my wife before others. We will sort out our differences and mistakes in privacy by ourselves.

8. I will have a courteous and tolerant attitude towards my wife. I will always follow a compromising policy.

9. If my wife is unwell, or is unable to fulfill some of the responsibilities or through some misunderstanding behaves wrongly, I will not withdraw support or refuse to fulfill my responsibilities towards her.

Now lets break these vows down

#1: I shall be considered The Better Half! Super like, hehe, but I think of us more as equal. We are partners in this game of life, and I can’t play without him and he can’t play without me.

#2: This for sure is right! I am going to be in charge of the home, I will make sure the laundry is done, the dishes are washed, the home is clean and neat. That’s how I was raised  my mom was a stay at home housewife and that’s how she taught me to be. So #2 is great for us.

#3: Hmmm… I wouldn’t call them my “shortcomings” because that sounds kind of degrading towards me I think. I would say that when I do something that Toms does not like he will tell me, and I will tell him when he does something I don’t like. Then we work together to make a better “US”.

#4: Tom has so much faith in me, he knows I would never cheat on him or leave him, and I have to say the same for him I have so much faith in him too. Because our relationship is based on God.

#5: I don’t want to be treated like a friend, I want to be treated better than a friend! But this is not a problem for us he treats me just awesome, and I treat him the same way. He is much more than a friend to me, he is my best friend, my husband, the love of my life.

#6:  SUPER LIKE!!!! Ahaha… The one thing Tom and I spoke about in the beginning is finances. Im a saver and he's a spender! So we really go good together we think, because I will get him to save when we are married and he will get me to loosen up and spend a little bit. He said one day that I will be in charge of finances because women are naturally better at them then men are. Growing up how I did I have to agree with him on that one. Don’t get me wrong he will have plenty of money to spend, and we will talk over all of our big decisions in life, but when it comes to paying the water bill I will do that.

#7: Tom is super great at this, when we fight it is between him and I in his eyes. Me on the other hand I usually tell one person, but not always, I like to work it out between him and me too. My mom said to me one day, she will always take my husbands side, because I will always come back to her, but he is could leave and not come back one day and she would never want him to leave and not come back.

#8: We compromise well I think, well I think we do, but I seem to get my way a lot so I don’t know, maybe we (I) will need to work on this one… hehe

#9: Hmmmm….. I have to think about this one…. (wink wink)

I looked for vows from a wife to a husband and I couldn’t find them, so Im thinking originally it was a one-way street that Tom and I have made into a 2-lane highway. I don’t need any vows to tell me that my fiancé will be there for me and or that I will be there for him. As long as we have God as the center of our relationship we will be fine! I can tell you this that I love that man with all my heart and soul and I cant wait till we can take our 2 lives and become 1……

hands.....

“When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then is subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should never part. Because this is what love is. Love is no breathlessness, it is not excitement, and it is not the desire to make every second of the day. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away.”

When we were in the last hotel in Agra one night we wanted to go down to the hotel restaurant and eat something. That was the first time that we held hands, not the first time since we had been together but the first time as a couple we just grabbed hands and held them.

When I first saw him in Chandigarh I held his hand, that’s what he told me, but I don’t even remember holding his hand because I was so overwhelmed by him at that point. He had a green shirt on and jeans and was looking so handsome. That’s all I remember about him right at that point because I just wanted to stay right then and there forever, just him and I walking down the walkway in the airport. Then when we were in Amritsar I held his hand but that was because I was overwhelmed by the amount of people we were with and I didn’t want to get lost. Not that he would ever loose me I just wanted to be right next to him, because he is my comfort zone.

But when we were in the hotel, walking down the to the stairs we held hands…. (Pause and sigh just thinking about it) We held them for the first time, the first time that we didn’t have to, or that I wasn’t overwhelmed, or that I can remember.

Thinking back you know me and him have never been on a date, we have never been out to eat, or to the movies, or shopping alone, or anything. I often wonder what our “first” date will feel like. The first time we are totally alone, 100% on our own and WE are not with anyone else, we can go anywhere we want to go and do anything we want to do.

Will we be in India or in the US or somewhere else? Where will we eat at? Or what movie will we see? Will we even see a movie? What does it feel like to be sitting across from him in a restaurant and to have all of his attention, 100% of it? Not that I don’t have his attention now or he does not have mine, there is just always someone around each of us when we are talking or skyping, that it never feels like we are never totally alone. That is on both of our parts too, either Im at work or he's at his flat with people, or Im with my mom, or he's at the Internet Cafe. I just want to know what its like to have him sitting in front of me and to have all of his attention. Not have to worry if we are talking to loud or if he can really hear what I just said or if I can hear what he just said. Im talking about just Him and I alone on a date….!!!!

I cant even finish this right now…. 

The first thing I see is this Indian man with his Chinese girlfriend holding hands.

            I still will never forget when I first landed in India at the Delhi airport, I walked through these 2 glass doors and was instantly hit with a huge group of people holding signs and shouting at people. At that point I had been up for something like 30 strait hours, I was exhausted and hungry, and on top of everything the bus line I was told to take to the orphanage no one had ever heard of. I was in tiers with Tom on the phone and he was telling me to calm down everything is going to be okay, I will be fine, its just India no one is going to hurt me I just have to try to find someone to speak with and help me. Finally I find someone to speak with and I was able to get a ticket for the right bus and I felt a lot better already. When I get on the bus and the first thing I see is this Indian man with his Chinese girlfriend holding hands, I remember looking at them and wishing Tom was with me, and how safe I would feel if he was here with me.

This was my first time in India, and it was my first time outside of the US except to take car trips to Canada, and that does not feel like I was even out of the US when we did that. Once I was with Tom I felt so safe with him, and at one point about half way through our journey I thought to myself “Rach if you get separated from Tom do you even know what hotel we’re staying in?” and I had to say answer myself with a big NOPE… I really had no clue of where we were or anything when I was with him, because that’s how safe I felt with him really. That’s a huge compliment to him also because usually I have to know where we were and what time we were doing whatever, but I feel so conferrable with Tom that Im not like that with him, I can give him control and still feel safe.

            It took a while for me to trust Tom and to know that he was not like everyone else! I had to trust that he wouldn’t cheat on me, or walk out on me when times get tough, and that he was going to be right beside me walking hand and hand with me. I don’t ever think he is going to leave me or anything like that, that is never in my head, and I really thought I would never get to the point in my life where I would trust someone as much as I trust him.

            I am so truly blessed to have him in my life, and now looking back I can see how God prepared me for him, I can see that everything I didn’t in my life led him and I to the same road. When I didn’t think anything made sense, now looking back I see why that happened to me or I can see why I chose to do this or that. I had a good friend say to me that once you find who God really wants you to be with you will see that everything in your life that made no sense at all, all of the sudden makes sense

Tom makes me want to be a better person too, I never wanted to dress up for anyone or where a dress for my man, or anything before I met Tom. I like shopping now, and I like doing my hair now, and putting on makeup, this is how I know he is the one for me also, because I never did that stuff before really. I look forward to waking up and putting on a dress, even though he’s not here with me, it makes me feel like Im getting dressed up for him in a way.

I just could talk about Tom for hours and hours Im sure my girlfriends get sick of hearing about him but it makes me feel like he's here when I talk about him. Like he is just gone for a few days visiting some friends and him and I will be together soon. Im having a real bad miss Tom day today, I feel like I could just burst out in tiers right now just thinking about him………

He takes me as I am....

The past few days I have felt like I was not important to Tom, but not really not important, but kind of like other things were more important than me. So on Sunday I said to him just that, that I didn’t feel important, and when we were done having our little “issue” (that’s what we call our arguments, Issues, lol) I didn’t think anything else of it and I went about my day. Tonight Tom says to me that I really hurt his feeling when I said that, but by no means did I say that to hurt his feeling at all, I wouldn’t really do anything to hurt his feeling actually. But over the past few days I have seen a change in him, a good change, like what I said really did hit home and he is trying to be a better him. I use the word “Better” because I would never want him to change I love him for who he is and what he is, but there is always ways of bettering ourselves I think. I try on a daily basis to better myself for him. If I know there is something that bothers him I try to improve that, maybe still do it but in a different way, a less irritating way maybe.

            Unless you are in our shoes you will never truly understand how we feel, you can sympathize with us but not empathize with us. This is the most wonderful time in my life and also the hardest time in my life so far. From meeting Tom, to going to India and being with the orphans, and actually meeting Tom, to going through the immigration stage with Tom. All along Tom has been there for me though, never leaving my side, and we know that is a God Thing 101%!!!!!

            I know that in the long term of our life this is nothing, this is just a stepping-stone we have to get over, but in my head it’s a big stepping-stone. Some days I can see the other side of the stone and some days I feel like I walked 100 steps only to be pushed back 150 steps. All along Tom is right next to me though, he my rock in my life, he is the one who holds us together. He said tonight when I am sad he is there to life me up and when he is sad and down I am there to life him up. That is so true too, when I am having a bad day he is right there for me doing everything he can do even if it means laughing at me because Im being dumb about something.

            He reassures me daily that he is here for me and we are in the same boat together, not a doubt in my head thinks we won’t be together. I can truly say up to this point in my life I have never felt like this with anyone.

God has put some really awesome people in our path to help us with this process, from people who are in the same boat, to good friends around me, and good friends over seas. Every one of these people play a special roll in our lives! I am blessed that Tom has good friends in India who except “Us”, because I was not sure he would have anyone to speak with when he moved back home. I can see his friends in India coming around, from what Tom says they are getting used to me “being around” and call him daily.  He had a great support system in The UK, his friends there took a liking to me very quickly and I am good friends with all of them now.

I love Tom with all my heart and I have to say I think we get along about 98% of the time, but no relationship is perfect, nor would I want us to be. When we were talking today he said to me that he’s sure there is be things that we will have to get used to about each other, but we have come to far to let little things stand in our way. I can say Im sure I know him better than just about anyone else, because we are on the phone and we are forced to speak. Its different than if we were sitting right next to each other, their cant be pauses and delays we have to keep speaking. I like that though, I like that I know him better than anyone else, and he knows me better than anyone else. That’s my favorite part of Tom, I can tell him anything and he does not get mad at me, he takes me as I am….

           

I smiled to myself and thought wow we really have come a long way

            Its funny how things change in a relationship, how you get to know the other person so well that you know what ticks them off and you know what makes them happy and smile. TOM, and I say that with caps for a reason, knows me so very well, it sometimes amazes me how well he knows me.

He knows the little things that put me over the top, like I cant go to bed knowing he is angry with me, or when we are having an argument and he turns his phone off (that’s the worse for me), or that I love it when he sends me an email or when he gets on my FB and post things for me. He knows I don’t like to be called buddy or pal, and yet he still does it just to get a little grrrr out of me.

I know he likes it when I take pictures of the things we are doing in Ohio and of the places I go and send them to him, I know he does NOT want our bedroom painted in Pink. I know he does not like it when I cry when we are fighting, or for that matter anytime I cry, I know he likes my hair strait, so I try to wear it strait for him as much as I can.

            Those things are the things that keep our relationship going on a daily basis, and keeps us on our toes. A “perfect” relationship would be a boring relationship don’t you think? Who wants to be with someone who is perfect, I sure know I don’t want to be.

            The only thing we fight about is being jealous and I don’t even know why we fight about that, it’s so dumb to me, I don’t understand why I get so jealous!!  My mom said a little jealousy is a good thing in a relationship, so I guess its good, but by no means would I ever want jealousy to come between him and I. I love Tom way too much to let something dumb like that come between him and I.

            When I look back at the little arguments we have, I have to laugh sometimes, because I just think to myself why did we fighting over that? And then I think did I really say that? Why did I say that? Really Rach come on and think before you speak sometimes!!!! I have to say I hide nothing from Tom though, I think that’s why when we fight I say what’s on my mind because I truly tell him everything, but in know way would I ever intentionally say something to hurt his feelings, Im not like that, and I know he is not like that either.  

            Sometimes I think I tell him too much though, not because I don’t want to hide anything from him but because Im sure he really does not care about every little thing I do in the day. This is a typical conversation we have at like 7am everyday…

Rach: Hi babe how was your day?

Tom: Fine, how was your night last night?

Me: Super Great…I ate tacos for dinner with my mom and dad, and then I went shopping for a little bit with my mom to Target and I bought a new shirt, a wallet, and a pair of shoes. Then we turned TV on and watched Design Star (tv show) for an hour, then I fixed some popcorn for everyone, packed my lunch for work in the morning, fed the cats, and Benny (my cat) Babe he’s getting so fat he needs to go on a diet. Can you put cats on a diet?

Tom: I guess so

Rach: Anyways so then I got on the internet and looked at my FB and logged on to your FB and messed a few of our friends, then put my PJ’s on, text you before I went to bed, turned the TV on in my bedroom and eventually fell asleep. Then I woke up ate breakfast, took a shower, got dressed, and called you baby.

Tom: Great, what’s new baby?

Rach: Oh nothing much I just work today till 6pm then I’ll go home and eat dinner with my parents, watch some TV, I’ll probably take a walk too, and then go to bed. You mean to tell me you didn’t do anything today Babe?

Tom: Umm no not really…

            Do you notice anything wrong with this conversation? Ummm like maybe the 1000 words I spoke and the 10 words he spoke??? I look back and think, “Does my boyfriend really care that I turned the TV on? Or that I blew my hair dry before putting my makeup on this morning?” Ummmm Probably NOT…  Lol …

But then we have days when he talks and talks and talk!!! Like I had said before when we first met each other we would skype for hours and hours and then we would talk on the phone on top of that too. So maybe he does care about that stuff, who knows right? But Lord knows even if he didn’t care about the little things I do all day Im probably still going to tell him, that’s just me and in the words of Tom “I don’t want you to change I want you to be exactly who you are, that’s who I fell in love with.”

            I just love how I can look back at the first time we spoke and then look at the last conversation we had and smile. I can smile because I see how much we have grown in the past year and how much we really do love each other.

            When we first met Tom told me something that shocked me kind of, he said that most Indians don’t say please and thank you. They never say please can I have something they just expect to get what they want, and they don’t say sorry unless it was something they did really wrong. Well at least that’s how I understood it when he explained it to me when we first started dating. Just today Tom said sorry to me for something, and when he said that to me it reminded me of the time when he said they don’t say sorry. I smiled to myself and thought wow we really have come a long way, and that makes me happy….

I will embrace the ones that like me and pray that the ones who don’t will

I just miss him so much; words can’t even explain how I feel some days. When Im having one of my “I miss you days” I really don’t want to speak with anyone but him. I can try to explain how I feel to my mom but truly she can never understand how I feel, she has never been away from my dad for more than 4 or 5 days at a time. I’m going on 4 months of not seeing him, and at this rate I wont get to see him again till January or February.

He told me the other day to remember we are in the same boat going to the same place, that’s hard for me to remember sometimes. I know he has the same feelings that I do, he just doesn’t cry like me or express his feelings the same way as I do, but he still has them.

Oh gosh we had such a great talk today, it was just a really nice talk. Some days we just have a general talk, I miss you I love you I miss you again. Not today, it was a great talk, and it was a 2way talk, not just me talking the whole time he talked too. Don’t get me wrong he does talk, but he’s a guy, and sometimes he just has nothing to say really. He said today that he cant believe how I have made him open up and talk, he has never been a real big talker but he wants to talk with me he wants to tell me things that are going, and that make me happy. 

Sometimes I tend to refer to myself as “fat” or “big” and he does not like that at all, not one bit. He said something very cute to me today, he said that no one knows you like I know you and no one can see exactly what I see in your heart. He said he does not like it when I say I am fat or big or talk down about myself because he loves me and that’s all that matters and I am beautiful to him. I have never had someone care about me as much as he does, besides my family of course, and not very many people in my life have told me I am beautiful that feels nice to hear especially from the guy I love with all my heart.

As we were talking today he said to me, if I were any other gal Im sure we would have been broken up by now. That kind of shocked me, but in a way I almost felt the same way as he did, because if he was not as awesome as he is I don’t think we would have lasted either. If someone would of said to me a year ago I would be marring a man from India, I would have probably said yeah right. Now as I look back I couldn’t imagine my life without Tom, who would I talk to all day, who would I have to speak with when Im upset, who would I have to have little arguments with? I just couldn’t imagine not having him really.

 He makes me smile when he says the things I do are special, but I don’t think they are special its just what I do. I think like this, I treat people the way I want people to be treated, so I do little things for people that I would want done for me. That’s the best way I can explain it I guess, I just treat people with respect.

Just think about it like this, emails are special, and yes I enjoy getting emails, but I would enjoy a card in the mail too. I think when I think about it, all you have to do is turn your computer on and write a letter, not that that’s not special don’t get me wrong. But think how you feel when you open your mailbox and you have letter or a little package in it that puts a smile on my face instantly, and that’s how I would like other people to feel too.  

That’s how I want our friends to feel, like we took the time to send them something, especially because most of them live half way around the world. I want his sister and his parents to know that we were thinking about them when we go on vacation or when it’s Christmas time by sending them something.

I have to say this, Tom does have some of the best friends though, they are amazing, well the ones that I have spoken with at least, they accept me very well. They never make me feel like Im the “American” with their Indian friend, they speak to me like I have been friends with them for a long time. That makes me feel good, because a lot of the people don’t accept us yet, but one day they will Im sure of it. So for now I will embrace the ones that like me and pray that the ones who don’t will one day!

We were just standing there looking out into the street...

Our first day in India together…

Today Tom and I were talking about our first day in India together… The one thing that sticks out in both of our minds is when we were on Nigel’s porch. Everyone was in the house and Tom and I were standing on the porch, and for the first time we were all by ourselves, truly for the first time…

We were just standing there looking out into the street, and Tom had his arm around me, and I was holding his hand. It was almost like I was dreaming, like I was really not standing next to him, I just knew I was going to wake up and be home in my bed alone. But that was not true, I was standing right next to him for the first time, I could touch him, smell him, kiss him, just be with him.

That was about the only time after that we were all alone, but it was the best time, really the whole time we were together was my “favorite” time, but his time is one of the best times.

The only quote that comes to my mind is “when you have finally found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to start right now”. I love this quote because it’s exactly how I feel about Tom, I want my “forever” to start now, today, right this minute.

Today Tom and I got into a huge fight, and we don’t fight that much I don’t think, but today it just hit how very much I love him!!! Before I was with Tom when I would fight with my bf I would leave and not speak with him for days, but I’m different with Tom, I can’t stand it when we fight. It makes me crazy to not be able to talk it out, to just hang the phone up and not speak with him makes me go crazy.

My grandma always said “Rach when you meet the one, you will just know he’s the one, your life will be different with him, you will feel different with him. Do you feel different with this one Rach? If the answer is NO, then he is NOT the one.” I can say without a doubt that Tom is the one, I feel differently with him, about him, around him, I love him differently.

Soon he and I will be “all alone” again, for the very first time, and I can’t wait for that day…

Tom asked me today why do I love him so much?

Tom asked me today why do I love him so much? I really couldn’tanswer that question, well not with words at least. I have example but notwords really… Like I love how me answers his phone when I call, even if I havecalled him 7 times in 7 hours he always answers his phone like it’s the firsttime I call that day. He never says I’m bothering him, he might ask me to callhim back in a little bit, but he never makes me feel like I was the last personhe wanted to speak with.

The other day I just couldn’t get enough of him, I reallywanted to just talk to him all day long, and never stop. Finally when I knew itwas about the time for him to go to sleep I called him and told him good nightand I will speak with him in the morning. About an hour later I get a messageon my phone and it was from him and he just said I know you couldn’t get enoughof me today so I just wanted to say good night one more time. Its stuff like thatthat makes me love him more and more every day…

I can honestly say I do love him more today than I didyesterday and I’m sure I will love him more tomorrow than I do today. I don’t believethat God would bring him and I together for no reason, just for “this” to fallapart. I don’t believe that at all, I know without a dough him and I are goingto get married and that we are made for each other.

My dad asked me the other day how Tom and I speak all day onthe phone, what do we have to talk about for hours and hours? I told him thatwhen you have a relationship based on distance that what you have to do. Totell you the truth there are very few days that we don’t have something to talkabout, well usually I speak and he listens (lol) but there are days when he isa talker too don’t get me wrong.

We have problems just like any other relationship too. Justbecause we are miles away from each other don’t think we don’t fight sometimesor get jealous or irritated with each other. No relationship is perfect and I’mnot clamming that ours is at all, but who wants to be with someone who isperfect anyways???

I have never been a jealous person before, but there issomething about Tom that makes me jealous, not in a bad way, but in a “I don’t wantanyone else to realize how awesome you are” kind of way. But then I have tothink about it differently, do I trust Tom? Of course I do, more than anyonejust about in the world (besides my family) , so if I trust him then I have tothink that he’s not going to leave me for someone else, I have to have moreconfidence in myself , my relationship, and my fiancé. 

Tom makes me feel like I am the most beautiful person in theworld, he does not care that I have little chubby fingers or I’m not a twig, oranything like that. He loves me for me, like I love him for him, I wouldn’t changeanything about our relationship we are right where God wants us to be. God knowswe can handle being apart right now, and I know this will only make us astronger couple when we are finally together every day.

I feel like I can be me when I am with Tom, I don’t have tobe someone different, I can just be Rachel. I have never had that before in mylife, I always had a guy who controlled me and wanted me to do exactly what hewanted when he wanted and he didn’t care how it made me feel at all. Not Tom heis 101% different than that, he lets me be me, without any strings tied orropes attached, I can just be me!!!

If you are lucky enough to meet a guy like I have, all I cansay is keep a hold of him and treasure the time you have with him. I thank Godfor every minute of every day I get to spend with My Love, not a minute goes bythat I don’t think about him, and I can’t wait for us to be together soon…..

It's the little things Tom does that make me feel safe with him

Today I’m in a really really poopy mood and I just cant kick it right now, but when I think of my time in India it puts me in somewhat of a better mood. So that’s what I’m going to blog about today , us in India, it may get a tad boring but its not boring for him and I, and after all the blog is about us right... ;)

As I said in an earlier blog my friend had come to India with me and she brought 2 big luggage bags with her, I had a smaller bag and then one that strapped on my back. As we traveled through India my friend would carry her one small bag and Tom would carry his bag, his book bag, and her large bag with him. When I would see him carrying her bag it made me realize one thing, that we will be okay, that he is here to help me and protect me. Even though he was carrying her bag, and not mine because of the situation we were in, it made me know that this is how my life is going to be he will carry the big bags and I will carry the small bags in life, and I like that.

From the time I was a kid I always wanted to marry a man who would take care of me, a prince charming shall I say. I dreamed of being a housewife and raising our kids and cooking and cleaning things like that. In my real life as an adult all my Prince charming was, was a drunk who cheated on me. So when this awesome man came into my life, who would jump in front of a train for me, I didn’t really know how to handle it at first. Part of me wanted to run away and part of me wanted to keep him all to myself so no one could ever really know how awesome he is, because if anyone ever found out how great he was they would want to take him from me for sure. When I saw him take control and take the bags at the train station, I don’t know what it was but that was how I saw my prince charming, someone who would take care of me.

Its not like I want to be sheltered or not told whats going on or anything like that, but I always wanted to marry someone who could make a decision, take control, and handle things in life. I cant really explain it but its kind of like this for example....

.......If we are having a new bathroom built in our house and the builder comes to Tom and says “I know you wanted the window in the bathroom in the middle of the wall, but its not going to work there, it will work if we put it on the left side of the wall (or something like that)”. I want Tom to say”okay that fine, the left side will work just great”. Even if I had my heart set on the window being in the middle of the wall, if it does not work then it does not work, end of story there is no point in me getting mad about it. Just make the decision and tell the contractor that is fine, no problem.......

I am simple really, I don’t get angry very often, I’m usually pretty happy, and most things don’t bother me. My mom always taught me to not get stressed out about things I cant change, rather they are big things or little things in life, if you cant change them then you cant change them.

When we were in India Tom was just that, my PC (prince charming) he took control of things and things happened!!! There was never a time when I was with Tom that I needed something and Tom didn’t do his best to get it for me. Now that does not mean everything I wanted I got, but Tom tried his best to get it for me.

So its the little things Tom does that make me feel safe with him, especially while we were traveling, but in general life too. Little things like the 2nd hotel we stayed at in Amritsar India was kind of right on a road, when you walked out the doors of the hotel there were no sidewalks just the road. I was already a tad nervous about walking anywhere in India, only because that was our first time we were completely on our own. All the other times we were in cities that at least one of the guys with us lived in or was familiar with, but in Amritsar none of us have ever been there before. One of the times I walked out of the doors of the hotel and boom I was right on the street and a rickshaw and I almost met head to head. Tom kind of grabbed my arm and pulled me back, I’m assuming he saw the rickshaw and saw I was paying no attention at all and that’s why he did that.

At one point in our journey we were in a taxi cab, and he was driving us from Delhi to Agra, and Tom asked him if there was a restaurant along the way we could eat at. The taxi driver says ya sure there is a restaurant right outside of Delhi, oh good great, because we were starving!!!!! Okay picture this, a Tent (a dirty one), with a few folding tables and chairs in front of it, with a “kitchen” inside of the dirty tent, Can you picture it now? We pull up Tom turns around and looks at me and before I could even say anything he says “I know babe”, like he could read my mind. When you see pigs flying is the only time I would eat at this place... Yuck Yuck Yuck... But right there is a great example of how he takes care of me, he knew that I would not eat at a place like that, but he knew I was hungry and my sugar was low and I needed something to eat. So he went into the tent and found me some crackers in a closed container and a bottled water to hold me over till we ate. Finally he did get a us a good restaurant to eat at, but that restaurant was a whole other story... ;)

I said to my friend Juls “I was happy as pigs in mud”

I’m having a really hard time right now being away from Tom. The past couple of weeks have been very hard for me for some reason, I think the separation is finally setting in, that we are apart, and we might not be together for a while still.

This past weekend Tom went to see his friend Leela who is in India for his sisters wedding for a few weeks. I love when Tom is with Leela he is very different when he is with him, and by different I mean a good different. Its like he can be who he really is with Leela, not who “India” wants him to be kind of. The difference between Leela and his roommates is that Leela likes me and knows me, and his roommates don’t know me at all

Since he was with Leela we were able to talked all weekend, he answered his phone every time I call him, I had 100% of his attention when he was with Leela, it was great. Not that he does not give me attention any other time, it was just a different attention this past weekend. I usually know when he is with his friends because he speaks to me differently, and he uses one word answers a lot of the time, but I understand that because there are times when he calls me and I have to use one word answers too.

This past weekend was one of our best weekends since he has been in India though. I said to my friend Juls “I was happy as pigs in mud” when Tom and I got done speaking on Sunday night. I was not feeling very well on Sunday and I really just wanted to talk to him, but when I called him he seemed to be busy, so I just went about my day and eventually took a nap. In the middle of my nap my phone made a weird buzzing noise, I just got a new phone so I don’t know all the noises yet, but it was a message from Tom. This is how I know I love this man, because as soon as I saw his name come up on my screen I got butterflies in my tummy....

I sometimes don’t think he knows how special he is to me, he told me this weekend I am the rock of our relationship, but I believe it takes two of us to be a rock and hold our relationship together. We each put our 101% into this, I put one thing into our relationship and he puts something else in, and at the end of the day it fits into place like a puzzle and it works for US, it might not work for other people but it works for us.

I cant not express to him enough how much I love him, from the bottom of my heart I love that man, I cant see my life without him. At Christmas time he said I hope next Christmas we are together Babe!!! Well I know we will not be together this Christmas but maybe the following Christmas we will be together. Now that I have been with him it makes me want him here for every holiday, but I have to remember that everyday that passes by is just one day closer to us being together.

He wiped the tears from my face and kiss my forehead

Anyone who is in a long distance relationship knows that any time you get to be with each other is super special, every second you spend with that person makes you appreciate them more and more. There is nothing like physically being with the one you love, even if you are with a ton of other people, just sitting next to your love is a great feeling.

The first night we were together in India Tom gave me the most beautiful necklace, I wear it everyday no matter what, but yesterday I forgot to put it on before I left for work. I felt like I naked all day, it might sounds weird, but when I wear that necklace I feel like he is right next to me. I know he is always with me, don’t get me wrong, but that necklace just gives me something to touch and hold on to that makes me feel better.

When we were in India together I think some of my favorite times were on the trains traveling together. Even though there were a ton of people around us, to me it was just him and I on that train traveling. The train was the one spot we could sit right next to each other and actually touch each other in public and not get in trouble.

I remember when we were on the train getting ready to go to the airport in Delhi and the train was full of people. The train is set up kind of like 2 benches facing each other and 3 to 4 people can sit on each bench. The train books for 3 people per bench but that day we had 4 people on one and 3 people on the other bench.

On the bench that Tom and I sat on was a older man sitting Indian style with his legs crossed, me and Tom, then a younger man sitting next to Tom. The guy sitting next to me kept touching me with his dirty feet, anyone who wears sandals in India will have dirty feet, but that does not mean I want your feet touching me. I was almost sitting on top of Tom and at one point I wanted to ask him if we could switch seats, but then I saw the younger guy next to Tom and I thought to myself he probably does not want me sitting next to him ( wink wink).

But to me on that train it was just Tom and me, that’s how it felt to me really, even though there were a ton of people, it still felt like it was just him and I. I think it felt like that because I was laying my head on his shoulder, rubbing his arm with my hand and him and I were just talking and all of his attention was only on me. Not that Tom didn’t pay a lot of attention to me, because he really did, but for some reason on that train ride that morning it was different to me. It was intimate, even with all of those people around, he was speaking to me quietly and we were laughing and just having a little “party” between the two of us.

To tell you the truth I was really trying not to cry on the train, because it was my last full day in India with Tom and I was very sad. When I woke up in the morning I took a shower and I couldn’t stop crying in the shower because I was so upset about leaving him. I tried to pull myself together when I came out of the bathroom but I could still feel the tears welling up in my eyes, and my hands were shaking so much I could hardly pull my hair up into a ponytail.

Tom never tells me that I’m dumb when I’m crying or that I’m being over dramatic or anything like that. He tries to walk me through the crying the best he can when we are not together, but on this day it was different, we were together. He wiped the tears from my face and kiss my forehead and told me everything is going to be okay, we will be together forever soon I promise you Babe. Even though those words made me cry even harder I still felt a sense of relief come over me when he wiped my tears and said that to me, like I knew everything was going to be okay.

Who cares what these people think Babe?

I have never had a guy in my life, besides my dad and my brother, who I could depend on totally till I met Tom. When I was planning my trip to India I had many people say to me what if Tom doesn’t show up at the airport? What if hes just playing with your mind and he is not really going to come to Chandigarh? I guess I really didn’t have anything to say to those people because I never thought he wouldn’t be at the airport. That was just not an option at all really, he had giving me no indication he wouldn’t be at the airport.

But, my favorite thing that people say to me is: How do you know hes just not marrying you to come to the US, I’m just looking out for you by saying that, really I am. Do you think you are looking out for me? Because I don’t see it as someone looking out for me at all, I see it as someone trying to put dough into my head. Your not the first person who has said that to me, and you will not be the last person to say that to me either, I can bet money on that!!!! Don’t get me wrong there are a few people in my life who would say something like that to me who really and truly care about me, but for the most part people are just being noisy.

I don’t feel the need to defend my relationship with Tom at all, and that is the one thing I can tell any couple like us. Do not feel like you have to tell everyone everything or defend that you fell in love with someone. That is no ones business at all, that is between the two of you not between you guys and everyone else.

Many nights Tom has sat on the phone and listen to me tell him about what this person said, or what that person said, or how this person feels about us. One day he said to me “who cares what these people think Babe? Why does it matter you know me and I know you and that’s all that matters really!!!” See I got myself a Smart Indian, he don’t listen to what anyone says, he listens to me and to what I say, not what other people say to him about me.

If you know anything about India you know that they still believe in arranged marriages, and by no means am I saying there is anything wrong with an arranged marriage at all, I’m just saying we chose a different path. Toms sister is doing an arranged marriage and she is very happy with that life and I am happy for her too. I know Tom will do his best along with his father to pick the right guy for her.

Its hard for me to remember sometimes that everything everyone says to me about us getting married, is also being said to him, but really in a much bigger way than me. My parents love Tom they think he is a great guy and they are happy I’m in love with him and we are getting married. But like I said before, India believes in arranged marriages, and that goes for Toms mom and dad also. They would love for their son to marry a nice Indian gal settle down in India and have a great life, just like my parents want for me too. So our parents really think the same, they just want their kids to have a happy life.

Tom has not told his parents yet that we are getting married, and I can understand why completely, but in the beginning of our relationship it was hard for me to understand why he was not telling his parents. In the past I have said to him that I feel like he is living 2 separate lives sometimes, the one all of India knows, his parents, and most of his friends, and then the life he lives with me and a few of his good friends. Do I think he likes living 2 lives? No I don’t think that at all. I know he will tell his mom and dad one day when the time is right, and that will be that, they will know that their son is marring me and life will go on.

In the past we have had many talks about when Tom was going to tell his parents, and this is because until I was in India and saw how it was there I really had no idea how India was. I try my hardest to not say anything to him about telling his parents now because I understand India better now than I did before. But some days it eats Tom away inside, he is really living 2 separate lives for sure, and after a while that gets to be hard on a person. But I don’t want him to tell them before he is ready, If I could be there when he tells them I would without a dough, but Tom knows his parents a lot better than me, and he knows when the time is right.

If you are in the same kind of situation you just have to wait and wait and wait. My friend Chitra said to me one day “India is different Rach, you just have to wait till the time is right and trust that Tom knows what he is doing.” She is in a similar situation kind of, and if anyone knows about waiting it would be her. She is someone I vent to when I don’t understand something, and when Tom has already explained it to me 15 different times.

I just thank God everyday for putting Tom in my life, and for giving him the knowledge to understand me when I am happy, sad, crying, laughing.... I am truly blessed to have Tom in my life and I wouldn’t give him up for anything...

Paperwork paperwork paperwork

Tom always says that its my right to call him as much as I want, and trust me ladies I’m probably a freak when it comes to calling him. But the time difference is so big that I only get to speak to him from about 6am till around 2pm on a good day. That’s only on average 7 to 8 hours in a 24 hour period I get to talk to my fiance. But our lawyer told us the other day that we don’t speak enough??? Really??? I beg to differ with you on this one lady!!! In a 8 hour time period we probably speak something like 1 hour of that, and that does not include texting, emailing, skyping, and instant messaging online. She pointed out to me that we have a 15 or 16 hour gap where we don’t speak at all.

Now I know I am not some hot shot lawyer, and I didn’t got to college for a million years or anything like that, but I do have common sense. Now lets think about this for a minute, I sleep for 8 hours, He sleeps for 8 hours and then as stated above we chat, text, IM, email or speak on the phone for about 8 hours a day. So 8+8+8= 24 right??? I’m just saying if we both lived in the states it would be different we could talk for 16 hours a day, but.... we don’t!!

My advice to anyone who is doing a long distance relationship with someone in another country is to keep very very good records of your communication. If you even think that one day you could see yourself marrying this guy/girl KEEP RECORDS PLEASE. From day 1 of our relationship in the back of my head I was always saying “did you print out your phone records this month Rach? Did you save all the emails he sent you?” I’m not really sure why I did that in the beginning but we did decide fairly quickly that we were going to get married so maybe I just always knew we would get married or something like that, I don’t know. But when I went into the lawyers office for the first time and had all of our phone records, skype records, and emails with me she was pretty impressed with me, not to toot my own horn or anything ;) …

READ.... READ.... READ... Read up on all of your immigration laws where ever you are from. I made sure when I walked into the lawyers office I could almost do her job for her. I guess I didn’t really have to get a lawyer, but one little mistake on the paperwork and that could set you back months and months. I was told by many people that it also looks more legit if you have a lawyer than if you don’t, but I don’t really believe that 100% . I don’t really think immigration looks at rather you have a lawyer or not I think they look at the facts that are presented to them more, but I could be wrong also.

In the US we don’t have to do as much as the person coming to the US, we have to submit some paperwork and get some dumb official things together and make sure the payment is paid in full. The other person has to do a physical with a doctor that immigration recommends, get police reports for everywhere they have lived since they were 16 years old, go do an interview with immigration in there district. They will receive a huge packet of things they will have to do, even before immigration will look at your case.

Now if you have a fiance like I do, and I love him to death don’t get me wrong, but he is on the ummm lets say he likes to press the time to the very last second to do things. He's a guy and I know how they are (some of them not all of them) they like to take there time doing things. But he knows when I say “I have given you 6 weeks to do this and I need it done TOMORROW!!!” he usually gets it done then for me. So on one hand I am a pain in his butt, and on the other hand I’m really just trying to get things done in a timely fashion. You see I can see us in 5 years, where we are going to live, how many kids we will have, even the kids names. He on the other hand has no idea what he is going to eat for dinner, that’s why we are so good together really, he pulls me back to “today” and I make him think about “tomorrow”.

So you see if God wanted us all the same then our relationship would either ALWAYS be living for tomorrow, or ALWAYS stuck just chillin out watching movies. So he gave me to Tom to chill me out and make me relax a bit and he gave Tom to me to get him to think about the future a bit more. We are great together in my eyes, and after all God does not make mistakes right?

Education...

The Indian culture itself is 100% different than the American culture... In the States you graduate from high school and you either go to college and move out of your parents house, or you start working and move out of your parents house. In India most people live with there parents till they get married and even after.

In the States most of our parents have a retirement plan and that’s what they live off of when they are retired. In India the children take care of there parents till there last day, that is one of the best qualities Tom has in him I think. He wants to make sure his parents are taken care of till the end, and I am sure we will be able to do that. Don’t get me wrong, if my parents needed something we would be right there to help them with out a dough, but like I said Americans have one “retirement” plan and Indians have another.

When Tom first told me that we would have to take care of his parents, all I could think of is us living poor to support them. Because I have a lot of Mexican friends here in the states and that’s what they do, they work and work and work and send ALL of the money they make back home. So one day after I had thought about what I was going to say to Tom about how I didn’t want to live poor for the rest of my life I confronted him. I just told him how I felt and what I thought about this subject really. He simply explained to me that one, I over think stuff way to much, and two we would not live poor but that his parents were important to him and they need to be taken. I respect that and after a long conversation I now feel way better about this subject.

In my family very early on my mom and dad probably knew that my brother and myself were not college material, school was not our thing. My parents taught us life skills, how to get a good job, how to budget your bills, how to own our own home and so on. So I grew up, got a good job( not a career but a job), and bought my own house eventually.

In Toms family education was everything!! From day one you were told you would be going to college and that was that, period!!! So Tom graduated from school and went on to college and eventually graduated from college.

So the question has arose between him and I several times about education. When he was a kid he lived in a hostel, and went to what we in the states would consider a private school. They had holidays and some summer off so they could go home but while they were in school they stayed in a hostel that was at the school. I on the other hand when to a public school and lived with my parents while I was in school. Had I gone to a private school would I be different? Had he gone to a public school would he be different? Who really knows, but that’s besides the point. He wants to “ship” our kids to a private school somewhere and I want to home school them. I say “ship” as a joke really and he knows I’m joking too, because we get into little debates about that sometimes.

In the end of course I want to do what is best for our children and I know that Tom wants what is best for them too. I know I will have to compromise on this issue because education is so important to him, not that its not important to me, but this is one subject he is very strong on. After all a relationship is about giving and taking, and I can tell you I get my way most of the time, so when he feels so strongly about something I know it is important to him.

In the Beginning.... 2010

First let me start out by saying I feel if you love someone anything is possible. No distance, no religion, no amount of time, nothing can keep you from being together as long as you have patience. I don’t advice praying for patience, because that only brings more problems into your life, I would advice praying for wisdom instead... hehe

I met my fiance a while back, he was living in the UK and I was living in the US, we had a mutual friend on facebook and from there we began a friendship online. My fiance saw that I was going to India to work in and orphanage and his uncle owns and orphanage in India so we had that in common. We also both have a common interest for orphans in general and in Jesus Christ.

I have come to find out that when you become friends with 1 Indian you very quickly become friends will all of there friends too. I found myself having 5 and 6 friend request a day on facebook from friends of my friends of my friends. I would wake up and check my facebook and have many messages in my in-box most of them very inappropriate and I would just delete them. Don’t get me wrong I’m not stereotyping “Indians” at all, I believe people are just people no matter where you live or what color your skin is, I just happen to come in counter with a few inappropriate Indian boys. I say boys because a real man, no matter where you are from, would not speak to a lady how I was spoken too.

One day I got a in-box message on my facebook and it was from another Indian, I don’t say that being mean at all, I was just used to getting messages so I didn’t think anything of it really and I almost deleted it. But something (God) told me to read it, and it was  very simple he introduced himself to me said that he was interested in orphans like I was and a few other simple things in it. A few days letter I replied to him and then a few days latter he replied to me and one day we started to chat on facebook. I’m not sure what came over me one day as we were chatting, but all of the sudden I said “do you want to Skype one day?” then instantly I followed that up with “but we don’t have too, if you don’t want to.” I was just nervous right after I said that for some reason, and I didn’t really know why???

I think in my head I felt like this was a guy who lived over seas, and what would really come out of this? I had never "internet dated" before, much less a guy in the UK?? and when he told me where he was from, I had never even hear of the city he lived in. Then how would I tell my parents that I met a guy on the internet, and Oh wait... here’s the kicker... he lives in the UK... If you know my parents at all they are computer challenged for sure, we didn’t even get an answering machine in our house till early in 2004.

Anyways, very quickly Tom (My fiances American name) caught my attention, the first time I “saw” him per-say was on Skype, in fact we Skyped for something like 4 hours the first time. Then the next night we skyped again and then he called me on the phone the day after that, and I found myself wanting to know more and more about this guy.

We probably only talked for a week or so before we decided we wanted to be couple. We talked about it and started dating, I told my mom and dad sometime in December about him, I had to slowly start talking about him then spring the whole dating thing on them. My father simple said if your happy than I’m happy, but you know I don’t understand this whole “internet dating” thing cant you just meet a guy around here like normal people? Again that’s my dad who knows nothing about the internet or even cell phones for that matter. He didn’t have anything against Tom he just didn’t understand what we were doing.

I cant even really say for sure when I knew I wanted to marry him but I know it was not long after we started dating that I knew God had put this man in my life for a reason. You see the day before Tom sent me that email, I had gone to church in the morning and my pastor was talking about how we need to surround ourselves with christian friends and Christ like people and how if you are single you need to embrase your singleness. So I went to bed that night and I prayed that God put a christian friend in my life, Tom is a christian too by the way. I joke with my mom sometimes and say I guess I needed to be a tad more specific when I pray, I only said I would like it if I could meet some good Christian people please. I was thinking in Ohio, maybe even around the town I live in, but God sent me someone form the UK... lol...

By no means am I complaining about this at all, I love Tom with all my heart, I believe when God made me and he made Tom he saw us together. In the bible it say a man will leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife, that does not mean never speak to your family again it just means you are starting a new life with your wife and children.

By January we had decided that we were getting married and he was going to ask my father if he could marry me. My dad knew what he was going to do, I kind of informed him of what was going on, my dad only had a few questions for me before he spoke to Tom. He asked me if I loved him? And if I wanted to marry him? I said yes I did love him and yes I do want to marry him.

You should of saw Tom, he was so cute the day he asked my dad if we could get married, and granted it was via Skype because of our situation, but he was looking handsome. You know when you first start dating someone you always try to look your best, no matter if its 6am or 4pm or whatever. I remember Skyping with him when he was in the UK at 6 or 7am and I looked like a million bucks, my hair all done and my makeup on and ironed clothes I would even bush my teeth right before we skyped like he could smell my breath or something. By January I would roll out of bed turn the computer on, forget to even look at my hair, and chat with him. So when I saw him with his button up shirt on and his hair brushed and he shaved, oh my gosh he was looking so handsome.

My dad agreed with us getting married, he just said I want to meet Tom as soon ask possible, because even at this point I have not met Tom in person. Tom was going to be leaving The U.K and going back to India the end of February and I was planning a trip to go to Indian in March. So we planned for him to fly into the city where I was staying and we would travel for about a week together.

I could not wait for March to come, I counted down every day and every night, till we got to meet. Once I got into India that was when I really know I was head over heals in love with this man, because he was so good with me. When we (my friend when to the orphanage with me) were at the airport in Delhi I talked to Tom probably 10 times before we got to the orphanage. He is such a patience man with me, at one point I wanted to cry, because I was exhausted to begin with and overwhelmed too. He told me to calm down everything will be okay, you are fine Babe, remember God is always with you.

Finally the day came when we could meet!!!! Oh my gosh I was so excited just to touch him and look at him, not over the computer either. When I saw him I didn’t know if I was going to cry or smile or be in shock or what. I remember standing outside of this little airport in Chandigarh Indian and looking through the 2 glass doors right to the runway and thinking that’s my man getting off the plane right there. I had told him a few weeks before that he would have to come up to me because I would be so nervous and to me, a non world traveler American, I think all Indians look alike. But that was not the case at all, I knew him right away, I remember saying to myself that’s my man and I smiled, I can remember that like it was yesterday.

Leaving India was hard for me, but not as hard as I thought it would be, maybe it was because after I was with him for 7 days I just knew we were made for each other. Now the hard part begins, for me at least, the waiting part. Now that I have seen him, and been with him for a while, I just want to be with him all the time. From the second I wake up in the morning to the second I go to bed at night I want to be with him, I’m sure I drive him crazy with my phone calls 24/7... lol

In May my mom and I went to see my lawyer and to get the paperwork started for him to come to the US, and we got the worse new (in my opinion). Once the paperwork is done in the US, and that only takes between 4-6 months, that it could be up to 3 years before India will okay him to come here. I think I was depressed for like a week, I could only think about not seeing the love of my life for 3 more years.

I have never been the kind of gal to really tell a guy how I feel or be real open anything, but with Tom I know he is the one for me because I don’t hold anything back. Sometimes I’m sure I overwhelm him with my feelings, but I just cant hold myself back.

The hardest time for me was when he moved from the UK to India in February though. We would Skype every night for hours and talk all day long. In the UK we were only 5 hours difference and he worked nights and I work days so when he would get off at 11pm I would get off at 6pm and we would eat dinner together (over Skype) and chat till it was time for both of us to go to bed. I really took that time for granted, because now we are 9 ½ hours difference and when I’m going to bed he is waking up. It really stinks right now, but I think we are managing it well for the time being.

Don’t get me wrong, our relationship is not perfect by any means, but we are perfect together I think. I do dumb things, let me tell you really dumb things, but we learn and move on. I got myself reading this web site that mad Indian men look so bad, so then I started questioning my fiance, and having doughs in my head. It took him saying to me “I feel like why am I even with this girl if she in not going to trust me? I have work so hard to get you to forget your past and trust me and now your going backwards again!!!” … WOW those were some powerful words let me tell you, I snapped out of that hole I was in real quick.

Someone said to me that there are so many blogs out there that are negative I should blog about positive things, not Indian bashing or anything like that. So over the next year or so I’m going to blog about our relationship and out process as we go though immigration.