“no matter what I do, no matter what I say, I am bankrupt without your love!”

Learning how to word things

Hmmm this is something that Tom and I both have to work on! We both need to learn not to get upset with each other when we need to speak to each other and learn to make the words come out right. I have a hard time sometimes when Tom tells me something and I totally take it a different way than he met it to be.

He said to me the other day that he was going to Arkansas and I took it like he was telling me he was going and that was that! That crushed me, I want to be part of decisions he makes not told he’s going to do something, but he was actually telling me he wanted to go and he wanted to talk about what dates he could do. I took it one way and he thought he was saying it one way and it ended in both of us being upset with each other. If he would have come to me and said something like “Hey babe I really miss my sister and would like to go see her before I start working, what do you think?” I would not have had such a problem with it but he made me feel like I’m not included in this. On the flip side if I would of not gotten so upset in the beginning maybe he could of reworded what he said to me and we would have been fine.

I never would want my husband to not go see his family, I would like to be invited to go with him that’s all, but in the end I would never keep him from his family. Likewise he would never keep me from my family either, I wouldn’t want him to tell me I can’t go home and see my family if we move away.

There is a big difference in being single and being married! When you are single you come and go as you please, you don’t have to consult anyone on the decisions you make, you just decide and do what you want. When you are married you have to consider the other person, because after all when you say your vows to each other you say 2 become 1. You are not the only person who your decisions affect anymore; you have your other half to think about also. 

When one of my friends calls me and asked me if Tom and I would like to hang out with them, or go bowling or whatever I always say to them “let me ask Tom and I will get back to you”. Now because my friends understand that my husband and I are “one” they say things to me like “hey go talk to Tom and see if you guys want to go out to dinner with us tomorrow”. My friends and family understand that Tom and I are a package deal, where he goes I go and where I go he goes.

We have now been married and together for over 4 months and we are starting to really learn each other’s way and actions that we were not able to see when we were apart. Tom can just look at me and tell I’m in a bad mood, I have something to tell him, I had a great day or just about anything. I can tell you if he had a good day as soon as I walk in the house and say Hi to him. If I get hi babe and not HI BABY I MISSED YOU, I know he had a bad or sad day.  When we were apart he was very good at keeping his moods from me, but eventually I learned what to listen for to see if he was in a good or bad mood. Me on the other hand I can’t keep it inside, I can’t even get Hi out without tiers flowing down my face if I’m upset.

Memorial Day weekend was this past weekend and we had such a great weekend together! I have to say this was the best weekend so far we have had together after getting married. We had enough alone time that it was great, but we also had some time with our friends and family too. I love this man so much I can’t imagine life without him, he is my heart and soul, he is my ying to my yang. 

I will leave you with the quote Tom said to me last night “no matter what I do, no matter what I say, I am bankrupt without your love!”

we have a “list” at our house ...

It’s amazing how much stuff we have done together in such a little time! We went on vacation to Arkansas, had a wedding, we went on 2 honeymoons and celebrated my birthday…. Wow to me it feels like we have only been together in person for a few weeks or so, but it has been over 3 months since he go here!!!! 

For us living together is so different than Skyping or talking on the phone together. Don’t get me wrong we have our good and bad days just like anyone else, but it’s so nice knowing he will be home when I get home from work. I think the thing for me that puts a smile on my face is when I leave for work in the morning and we cooked late at night the night before and just left the kitchen a mess, and when I get home the whole kitchen is cleaned up! To him that is not a big thing, but to me it is a big thing, because he doesn’t realize that after I work all day I don’t want to clean the kitchen up before I have to make dinner.

I have read so many things that say if you can get through the 1^st year of marriage you can get through anything together and I believe this is true in so many ways. When you get married you are merging 2 lives into 1 life, and you have to constantly remind yourself that you are not the only person in this relationship! There is a whole other person you have to consider, and that hit me hard! I lived the past 5 years in our house alone for the most part and I have things the way I like them, then all of the sudden Tom moves in and things are not exactly how I wanted them! To tell you the truth I think my way is the best way, it was just how I did things, how I organized things and how I like things, but now that I’m married I have to consider my husband.

The best advice I can give to newly married couples is to move! Move into a new house with a fresh start, because I know if I moved into Toms house I would never 100% feel like it was our house, it would always be his house I’m living in. So I can see how Tom doesn’t feel like our house is totally his, because I have lived there for 4 years and things are how I like it. If we moved into a new house it would be more like our house than my house, even if Tom had nothing to do with the paint or anything it would still be our house.

So we have a “list” at our house and on this list we put everything we want to do in the future. The list ranges from ‘going out to dinner and not looking at the prices on the menu’ to ‘a huge European vacation’, with a variety of things between those two things. Other things on our list are like a new washing machine, fix the garage and buy a camper trailer for example. It seems like every day our “list” gets bigger and it’s now a running joke at our house to say ‘oh just add it to the list’.  

But really I’m just so happy Tom is here with me that I don’t care if we never get anything on our list done, I’m just happy that finally he’s here with me and we are together!