We are communicating with each other now...

Its hard for me to sleep right now, I am up for most of the night just laying in my bed looking at the ceiling. I told tom last night that even though it was hot when we were in India and that made it hard to sleep some nights, I still slept the best because I felt safe with him. I felt like he would do everything in his power to protect me if anything happened.  I have to say that was probably the last time I can remember totally sleeping well and not being up all night.

I can’t wait for the time in my life when we are together every night, and I can have that feeling again of security and the comfort knowing he will protect me. For the most part I don’t really care where we live at, that’s not my concern right now, it’s just being together that I am looking forward too.

Now this is our 2^nd Christmas together, and I pray to God that our 3^rd Christmas can really be spent together. Every time I go into a Christmas store I buy a new ornament for our tree, I love Christmas ornaments so much. This past year I have bought a few for our tree, I am hoping we will have a place of our own by next year somewhere. I figure even if we are living somewhere besides the US we can still have Christmas decorations up, it might not be as popular wherever we move to have Christmas things up, but that’s okay I don’t care about that.

When I think about Christmas in a place like India, I just think “but there’s no snow??” And it might be “winter” time in India right now, but it’s certainly not cold in India right now! Ehhh what’s snow anyways? Just something you have to scrape off your car, wear boots in, and freeze in all winter… I guess it’s kind of over rated this whole snow thing anyways…  Who needs snow at Christmas time? We can make snowflakes wherever we live and put them in the windows =) …

My mom has been so cute this year about Christmas presents. She said to me a few weeks ago “What does my future son want for Christmas this year?” that made my day, I couldn’t stop smiling all day long. My parents are very accepting of the choices I make in my life, don’t get me wrong they will be sad when we move away, but they also want there daughter to be happy.

In some aspects last Christmas was harder for me than this Christmas, I feel like I am more secure with us now than I was last year. Take today for example, he has been waiting for a phone call tonight and he told me he would call me back when he could. No problem, because he explained to me what was going, instead of just not answering the phone. I am extremely happy with how we have grown, because we are communicating with each other now.

The “old” Rachel would be asking all of the where, what, why, who questions that I would of asked before. Not now, I was fine with this, and I was fine with it because he now does his part too. His part is simply picking up the phone and saying that he is busy or he is waiting on a call and he will call me back, and he actually calls me back then. So with him working harder for us and me working harder for us, we are good now.

Don’t pass your lesson up because you are thinking the wrong way...

WOW I can’t believe we have been together for over a year now!!!! When I think about when we first met till now I cant believe how much we have grown as a couple and how much I feel totally secure with Us in general.

I know everyone has good days, bad days, and just okay days in general but I have to say my days are much better because of Tom. When I am having a bad day he is the one person who makes me smile, and that I know he will be there for me. He said the other day that I am the one he is going to marry, and every time he says those things to me it gives me butterflies in my tummy. As a girl it's nice to be reassured of things sometimes, not that he has to tell me those things everyday, but its nice for us to just talk about our wedding sometimes.

I truly try to tell him that I love him at the end of every phone call, and I love it when he says I love you too, that’s  just one of my “things” I guess. I think its because we don’t see each other that often, so for me a “I love you too” just makes the space between us that much closer.

I can tell you that over the past few months our relationship has gotten better, I think a lot better because I feel like I understand Tom more now than I did before. Before when I would call him if he didn’t answer I would get irritated with him and call and call and call him till he would be irritated with me and then it would end in an argument or us just not speaking. I said to myself one day:

“Really Rach what’s your problem? You were not raised like this!!! Come on lady….”

From that day forth I just had to start thinking differently, I had to think about him more. As much as I always thought I was thinking about him, in all reality I was not thinking about him, I was thinking “about him” but not in the way I should have been thinking, does that make sense? 

If you are a girl, I guarantee you over think things, I know I sure over think just about everything, from the way Tom says Hello, to the way he say Good night, and everything in between. He will say “Don’t rack your brain all night, I didn’t mean anything by that!” it doest matter if he says that I will still over think whatever he said. I think its just a girl thing really, my friend Helen said to me the other day that she over thinks things too no matter what it is, so yes its just a girl thing.

Being with Tom I have had to learn to pick what I “over think” about, he loves to mess with my head and make me go crazy. He is in fact so good at messing with me that some times I have no idea if he is messing with me or if he is not messing with me till he says he's not messing with me. So no wonder I over think things, now that I think about it… hehe…

You wouldn’t believe what goes through a girl’s head though; a million things are going through it all day long. Things from why didn’t he answer the phone?  Who is he with? Where is he at? What is he doing?  Now how is thinking this way helping a relationship? Its not, it’s not helping at all, in fact it’s making you and your guy go crazy!!!

Like I said before I had to start thinking differently, and once I did that, I wasn’t concerned about Why?  Who? Where? What?  I am more concerned now with his feelings and less concerned about the dumb stuff that I worried about before. In turn this has made me calmer and has made him more prone to answering my phone call when I call. Now he knows Im not going to be upset with him because he didn’t answer the phone when I called, he knows that I understand that sometimes he just cant answer the phone, not because Im not important but because whatever he is doing is important too.

Everyday is another day to learn a lesson, don’t pass your lesson up because you are thinking the wrong way.